Always Been You Read online

  I had much better control of my emotions than I had when I was seventeen and confused by my feelings for someone who I thought would never return them. In a better frame of mind, I left the bathroom, ready for round two.

  Corinne stood near the wall opposite the bathroom.

  “There’s more than one stall inside. You didn’t have to wait out here,” I explained and marched past her.

  Her arm shot out, blocking my retreat. “May we talk for a few minutes?”

  “Here in the hallway?” I asked, expecting more foot traffic. For the moment, it was only us.

  “Unless you want to go to the bar in the front and have a drink or maybe go to a café and have coffee together like we used to do after school?”

  “Why would we do that?” I asked, ignoring her imploring tone.

  “To reminisce about old times.” She came toward me with her hand raised. “It will be good for us to talk.”

  This chick could not be serious. She broke my heart but acted as if everything was fine and dandy between us? I backed away, ready to dart back into the bathroom. “I can’t do this with you, and you know why.”

  Her arm dropped to her side, and she winced. “I know I have a lot to make up for—”

  I laughed and shook my head. “There aren’t enough years for you to fix what you ruined between us.”

  She pursed her lips, eyes glittering with annoyance. “And what did I ruin you feel I can’t fix?”

  “My trust.” My heart. I swallowed back tears that threatened to spill.

  She studied my face with those beautiful blue eyes of hers, and, for a second, I was mesmerized. I exhaled a shaky breath and hugged my stomach, nauseous. I couldn’t stay near her much longer. I refused to let her see me this emotional. I broke down once in front of her. Never again.

  As she grabbed my arm, I slapped her hand away. She had no right to touch me. She’d lost that right years ago.

  She stepped back with a stunned expression, flexing her hand. Talk about dramatics. I didn’t hit her that hard.

  “I’m not feeling well. I need to go,” I said and came close to hugging the wall as I passed her.

  “Running away isn’t going to solve anything.” She scraped the toe of her sandal across the floor. “I admit I made mistakes. The biggest one of all was what I did to you that morning after we spent the best night of my life together.”

  I snorted. She thought the best night of her life was inexperienced groping and sloppy kissing from a seventeen-year-old girl who had no idea what she was doing when it came to sex?

  “It’s sad if you think the best sexual experience you had was with me. From what I remember, you needed a lot more practice also,” I shot back, not caring that I had insulted my own skills, which had improved drastically over the years. And, based on the tabloids and other press outlets, Corinne had improved a great deal, probably more so than me.

  Her face crumpled as she stared at the floor.

  I hated being cruel, but I lashed out because of the pain she caused me, still so strong years later, like a cut that never healed and had scabbed over. This conversation tore away that scab and formed new wounds. My lips trembled, and I blinked as my vision blurred.

  “I-I have to go before….” I sighed and swallowed. “Please, just leave me alone. I can’t deal with you yet.”

  “For now,” she whispered and stared at me, her eyes bright and tinged with red.

  The promise I heard in her voice made my heart thump faster and my throat close up. I hurried down the hall, feeling Corinne’s eyes on me all the way to the front of the restaurant where I found my brother and pled sickness in order for him to take me away.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  I didn’t go to work for rest of the week, which was a first for me. My excuse was an attack of food poisoning from the dinner. I lied and took the coward’s way out. Nest visited me at home on Thursday night to try and catch me in my lie. But I played my role so well, he believed it. I didn’t have to go far with my act, seeing as I hadn’t showered in those three days and my face and eyes were puffy and red from crying and lack of sleep. He stayed a few hours to update me on the situation with Corinne, how well she had settled in, and how great she was at building buzz for her show. I didn’t offer much as he raved about her. I wisely kept my thoughts to myself.

  I couldn’t hide in my condo indefinitely. I had to face reality and accept I would be in Corinne’s company for the next couple of years. In order to build up my confidence and hope I wouldn’t have another altercation with her like the one at the restaurant, I would attend my high school reunion on Friday night. If she was there, then I would deal with it.

  Sitting in my car in my high school parking lot, I flipped through the pages of my yearbook. I paused on the page with the band and choir to study my younger self sitting at the piano. Corinne and a few other singers leaned on the instrument. I had spent many hours in the music room, pounding away on the keys after school, practicing in the hopes of getting into some sort of music program in college. Corinne would always find me there and she would sing while I played. Those had been the best days of my life. Ones I missed which had yet to be equaled.

  The glare of the setting sun in my rearview mirror blinded me. I shut my yearbook, taking it with me as I got out of my car. The party would be held in the gymnasium. I would have preferred the celebration be off campus at a banquet hall of some sort, but I guess people wanted something affordable.

  I strode across the street and up the steps, following mainly couples. I came alone and would most likely go home alone, as usual, whenever I attended some sort of function, work or otherwise.

  “Be strong,” I said under my breath, the pep talk pushing me to move forward and not back to my car.

  Purple and gold streamers lined the hallways and a big banner with my class year hung over the doorway of the gym where music blared and conversation buzzed. A table was set up off to the side where three women with name tags attached on their chests greeted people. I waited in line, scanning the hall. Everything appeared the same, down to the cracks and paint peeling from the ceiling.

  “Hey lady,” a familiar woman’s voice said behind me.

  I swung around and embraced Dedra, the one friend from high school I kept in touch with. Behind her was her husband, Kelvin, her college sweetheart.

  “You look great! The rhinestone barrettes work well with your dress,” Dedra said and rubbed the side of the hem of my eggplant-colored drape dress. She’d recently cut her hair into a bob suited for her round face. She always had been on the heavy side, but the black faux wrap dress she wore really was slimming. Kelvin’s shirt, under his gray suit, matched her dress. He was much leaner and taller than his wife, but they made an adorable couple.

  “Thanks, you both look great,” I said, and we moved forward to sign in and get our name tags.

  “I saw Nest a few days ago while I was golfing with a client. He said you had food poisoning. Hope you’re feeling better,” Kelvin said with concern in his voice.

  I took my name tag and thanked the woman behind the table who I didn’t recognize. But she smiled and told me to have a good time. I did the same, choosing not to comment on Kelvin’s statement. I felt guilty enough for lying.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick when I called you last night?” Dedra nudged my side with her elbow.

  I shrugged, and we entered the gym. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I recovered.”

  “Just like you didn’t think it was a big deal to tell your best friend that Corinne Simone was in town and coming to our reunion?” she asked and waved to a crowd near the middle of the room.

  Corinne held court with a bright smile. The sequins covering her red sheath dress shimmered under the flashing lights from the ceiling. The tight little number showed off all her assets well, especially her breasts plumped up nicely under the fitted bodice. A few tabloids had accused her of having breast augmentation surgery, including other digs such as Botox or su
rgery on her face. She just took great care of herself and didn’t need any surgeries or help from doctors. I would eat my foot if she admitted she had work done. But then, why would she reveal that fact to me? I wasn’t one of her close confidants, and never had been.

  A guy shouted out Corinne’s name. Chase Leahy, her old high school boyfriend rushed over to her. She broke away from her admirers and was swept up in his arms. They shared hugs and kisses to the delight of those around them.

  “I guess Corinne didn’t lose touch with everyone.” Dedra sent me a questioning look.

  “She and Chase were always good friends.” I turned away from the public display before I gagged. “Maybe they want to make up for lost time?” I leaned over to whisper to Dedra. “She did lose her virginity to Chase on prom night.”

  Dedra giggled. “She wants to relive that night again?” she whispered back, and then raised her voice to include her husband. “Chase would probably be all her for a second chance since he’s single and on the prowl for the perfect woman to help with his reputation if he runs for mayor.”

  Kelvin snorted. “Isn’t Corinne engaged? I thought I read it somewhere.”

  She sent her husband a side look. “When did you start reading my entertainment magazines?”

  “They’re great bathroom reading,” he said and kissed her cheek.

  I swallowed a laugh, ready to poke fun at Kelvin, but then Dedra grabbed my hand. “Corinne’s ears must have been ringing. She’s looking straight at us.” Her lips lifted in a parody of cheer. “Smile, everyone.”

  I glanced over my shoulder, startled by the intense look Corrine gave me. Chase lowered his face toward hers and said something that made her laugh. She tilted back her head, showing the long line of her neck. Chase wrapped his arm around her waist, his hand low on her hip.

  “Looks like someone is getting lucky tonight.” Kelvin grunted when Dedra poked him in the ribs with her elbow.

  The sudden stinging in my chest traveled up my throat. I swallowed, my mouth dry. My lips quivered and I rubbed them. Damn Corinne for making me feel this way…this jealousy eating away at me.

  She stared at me again. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. She lost her smile, and the light dimmed in her eyes. Unsettled in ways I couldn’t explain by her flirting, I ignored the public display and recommended to Dedra and Kelvin that we head to the bar for some drinks. I hoped alcohol would numb the ache and emotional torment that had taken over ever since Corinne reentered my life.

  ***

  The glaring lights along with the pounding music and cheers from my former classmates dancing didn’t help with my crummy mood. The watered-down drinks and the lackluster buffet also disappointed. I wasn’t interested in food or open for much conversation with those who approached me. Eventually, Dedra and Kelvin deserted me for the dance floor. I sat at a table in a corner, chewing on ice cubes, wishing I had never come.

  Corinne had everyone eating out of the palm of her hand. But then again, she had been like this in school, acting like everyone’s friend and the social butterfly. She never approached me, but I caught her staring. I was guilty of the same. The entire time Chase remained by her side, much as he did when they dated our senior year. Now, they danced to a slow song, their arms around one another, looking far too cozy.

  If tonight was any example, Corinne was keeping up her public persona as a straight woman. Her fans and the press would eat it up if she rekindled her romance with Chase. The hometown girl who made good returned home and reunited with her true love she left behind but never forgot.

  I finished my drink and got up from the table, needing air and to clear my head. I was a little unsteady on my feet, but I left the room without any help, fleeing the sight of Corinne seducing Chase with her stunning beauty and sparkling wit, much like she had all those year ago.

  I strolled down the hall, passing darkened classrooms. Turning the corner, I spotted a lit room with the door open. This was the music room where I’d spent most of my time in high school. Surprised the door was unlocked, I entered, and the echo of the past enveloped me. The walls and chairs the same, as well as the instruments, including the grand piano, much like the one I used to play.

  “This brings back a lot of good memories,” Corinne said behind me.

  I inhaled a shaky breath before I turned and faced her. “How did you know I was here?”

  “I saw you leave the gym and followed you.” She stepped farther into the room. “Are you feeling better?”

  “Yes.” I sat back against the piano.

  “Food poisoning, huh?” she asked, her stare unflinching and sharp.

  I stared past her shoulder. “Yup. My stomach is queasy still, so I’m going to head—”

  She turned and shut the door.

  Great. I dug my fingers into the edge of the piano as my heartbeat drummed in my chest. If I tried leaving, Corinne would stop me. She would put her hands on me, and I would either fight or surrender.

  With a satisfied smile, she approached me, stopping less than a foot away. “Let’s sit so we can talk.”

  “I’m fine where I am. Say what you have to say, so we can get on with our lives,” I said through stiff lips and gripped the wood under my fingers.

  “The way we both can move forward is for you to forgive me.” She set her palm on her chest. “I’m so, so sorry for rejecting you after we made love.”

  “We didn’t make love, Corinne,” I said, staring down at the ground.

  “If you want to delude yourself into thinking we didn’t, fine. But to me, we did.” A tender expression crossed her face. “It was one of the most amazing experiences I ever had.”

  “Even more than when you fucked Chase prom night and lost your virginity to him?” I raised my voice in anger, cursing myself for showing her how upset I was. “From what I’ve seen tonight, you want to recreate the experience with him again. Maybe, this time, ask me to join you two so we can—”

  She latched onto both my arms and pulled me toward her. I squirmed, dragging my heels, but she overpowered me, and I found myself locked in her embrace with my chest against her heaving one. I lowered my head, unable to continue to look her in the eyes. The hunger and longing I saw there frightened me because I felt the same.

  “I had sex with Chase because I wanted to lose my virginity. That was the only reason. Sex with him was a means to an end.” Her grip tightened. “I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t interested in sex with any of the guys in our class. It wasn’t until we kissed in the bathroom the night of prom that I finally understood what I wanted and who I was attracted to. The kiss we shared opened my mind to a world of possibility.”

  “And you acted on it by testing your attraction with me,” I said, jerking my head away when her cheek came in contact with mine.

  “Yes, I was attracted to you, but I wanted to be with you because I loved…love you,” she murmured and dropped her hands to my waist.

  “What the hell is going on with you?” I asked, finally gaining the courage to look back at her.

  Splotches of red covered her cheeks and lines riddled her forehead. “I don’t want to hide who I am anymore. My life has spiraled out of control. Because of my fame, I had to make the public believe I was a certain type of person. I was told it would ruin my career if I came out. I made huge sacrifices because I wanted to make my dream a reality. I sang songs I hated and fell into a lifestyle that almost destroyed me. I rebelled during the last few years, doing stupid and dangerous things that could have wrecked all I had accomplished. The wakeup call came when my parents and Karl staged some sort of intervention last year.” A tear fell down her cheek. “I finally told them who I truly was, and they didn’t reject me.”

  “What do you want from me?” The honesty and longing in her voice made my legs tremble, as ridiculous as it sounded.

  “I want to stop hiding.” She cupped my shoulders, her thumbs rubbing gently. “That means doing what I want and how I want it and not being influe
nced by those who use me to pad their bank accounts or take all the credit for my hard work.” She closed her eyes and inhaled through her nose. “I’m going to announce to the world who I really am.”

  “And who are you?” My voice cracked and my breathing deepened.

  “Someone you can love again.” She ran her fingers down my cheek, stopping to stroke my chin. “I’m going to announce I’m gay.”

  A brave move on her part that could still damage her career. I curled my hand around hers where it rested on my face and squeezed, pulling it away before I kissed her. My anger over her hurtful rejection vanished. I didn’t know if we would ever be as close as we once were, but I would stop obsessing over the pain she had caused to my fragile emotions ten years prior.

  “I wish you the best and hope it goes well for you.” I released her hand, but she still held on, her eyes widening and a stunned expression appearing.

  “That’s all you have to say?” She shook her head.

  I tried shrugging her other hand off my shoulder, but I failed and shifted back, wedged into the piano. “What do you want me to say?”

  “I just admitted I love you and you act like it’s no big deal.” Her lips dropped in a scowl. “All you can say is good luck?”

  “Why are you involving me in your decision? You think we can have what we once had when we were kids?” I pushed her away.

  “Give me a chance, please. I can’t do it alone.” She reached out to grab me, but I shifted to the side, trying to escape.

  “You can do it without me.” I hurried toward the door.

  “You’re not walking away from me a second time.” She grabbed my arm.

  “Let me go!” I struggled, digging my heels into the floor.

  She hauled me to the center of the room and toward the piano. I pressed my palm on her chest to thrust her away, but she clasped the back of my head and her mouth crashed down on mine. I gasped under her lips and her flicking tongue as she tried gaining entrance to my mouth. I caged her tongue between my lips and we both moaned.