Always Been You Read online

  “I missed you so much,” she said in a low voice that made my inner thighs clench.

  I was drowning in turbulent feelings because of my yearning for Corinne and the need I tasted on each breath she stole from my mouth. The temptation too hard to ignore, I sucked down on her tongue. She rewarded me by kissing me harder.

  Her arms came around me, locking me in place. I kissed her with a hunger I hadn’t felt in years. She gifted me with deep strokes of her tongue along the inside of my cheeks, and sharp nips with her mouth. She ran her hands down the side of my waist and hips, digging her fingers in my skin. I cupped her breast, thumbing her rigid nipple, becoming moist, growing obsessed with that puckered flesh, wanting to lick it and pluck it with my teeth as I had done once before.

  “Oh, Whitney.” She sighed, and captured my mouth, robbing me of all thought. I pushed all my doubts aside and allowed myself to be seduced and taken any which way she wanted me.

  Lifting the hem of my dress, she inched inside my bikini briefs and curled her hand around my mound. I broke the kiss, stunned by her finger circling my moist folds, hidden by a trimmed bush that had been petted only by my own hand and no other in years.

  “Let me do this.” She stroked and caressed to my utter delight.

  “This?” I asked, becoming demented with the pleasure she gave me.

  “Stop thinking and just feel.” She moved her mouth to the side of my throat and sucked down while she pumped two fingers inside me. I rocked into her hand, greedy with my pleasure, clasping her face and pleading with her to finish me off. She slid her finger in all the way to her knuckle, shifted up and found the perfect spot that had me moaning and jerking. It didn’t take long to make me come.

  She claimed my lips in a tight seal. My tongue lapped inside her mouth as my inner muscles contracted around her finger. My vision blurred, and I closed my eyes, submitting to my body’s reaction. Her finger, slick with my release, jerked upward one more time, making me shudder. I clenched around her once again, throbbing in ecstasy. Finally, she removed her hand from between my legs and stroked my hip.

  “Come home with me and stay the night.” She rubbed her chest over mine, purring low, until she captured my mouth with hers again.

  I bit down on her bottom lip, my answer on the tip of my tongue she devoured with her roving mouth.

  The sudden banging on the door cut off my reply.

  We both stared at the door, still locked together. Chase stuck his face up to the glass. His eyes widened in surprise, and his jaw dropped.

  Corinne’s arms dropped. “This shouldn’t have happened.”

  I swung my gaze back to her as she claimed a seat on the piano bench with her face in her palms.

  The room tilted as a sense of déjà vu came over me. She had said the exact same thing in the room at her parents’ house where we had sex. Shame rushed over me, exactly like the morning when she said we couldn’t be together because it would damage her chances at becoming a famous singer.

  The past reared its ugly head and made me its victim once again.

  Chase opened the door and entered the room, staring at Corinne and ignoring me.

  She raised her head. “I screwed up.”

  Not bothering to quiet my sob, I ran out of the room, cursing myself ten times a fool.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I played Beethoven for hours, my favorite composer’s music consoling me. Lost in a haze of suffering, I banged the piano keys. I left the drapes open to allow the soft moonlight to trickle in. Sitting in the dimness of my living room, my fingers stroked the ivory keys. My tank top stuck to my back and my hair dampened with perspiration. I damned Corinne with each note I played, muttering out loud at my stupidity for allowing her to use me again.

  A sad giggle erupted from my mouth as I thought back to Chase’s` What the fuck? expression. He sure got an eyeful. I wonder what excuses she gave him after I stormed out of the room. Or maybe she would be honest and tell him how much she loved me—

  I slammed down on the keys and blinked back a wave of warm tears. I couldn’t stop crying. Damn her for making me feel this way. She didn’t love me. She just wanted to scratch an itch like she did the night of her graduation party where I handed her my virginity and innocence on a silver platter. She took it gladly and stomped on it after she got what she wanted.

  The night was embedded in my brain and had changed my entire outlook on life forever….

  A beer bottle shattered a few feet in front of me. Some drunken guy dropped it as he took it out of the cooler on the patio. Burping, he apologized, grabbed two more bottles, and stumbled over to a group playing beer pong near the side of the house. I sipped my can of soda, viewing the crowd, which happened to be the majority of Hammonton High celebrating the senior class’s graduation. There had to be nearly five hundred people here, most underage, having a blast thanks to Corinne and Karl, who hosted the event at their house while their parents were away. Karl had a few guys from his college fraternity, including my brother, keeping things from getting too out of control. With Corinne and Karl’s father being a hot shot lawyer friendly with local law enforcement, there wasn’t a big concern the cops would shut things down.

  The smell of roasted meat wafted in my direction. Karl grilled burgers and hot dogs, encircled by a bunch of girls wearing teeny bathing suits. I didn’t wear a bathing suit. I didn’t feel like swimming in their pool congested with too many people. Instead, I wore a short yellow-print dress I had bought with Corinne on a trip to the mall before prom.

  We’d barely talked since prom night. But I didn’t think she was hiding from me. She had been busy in the studio with her uncle who was producing her first album. She also hung out a lot with Chase and his friends. I guess she and Chase had become much closer after prom night.

  The soda burned my throat as I imagined all the ways Chase and Corinne had bonded, which meant them having sex. I sighed sadly. The kiss we shared meant nothing to her.

  The loud rock music from a stereo and chatter from the crowd gave me a headache. I finished off my drink and went into the house to find a semi-quiet spot, away from the craziness. I knew my way through the house since I had been here before. There was one specific room I could hide out in where no one would bother me.

  Past the kitchen and down the hall was a door to the basement. I opened the door, and walked down the steps, thrilled it was empty. The basement was used as an entertainment center, complete with a small recording studio. The shelves lining the walls were filled with records and CDs. The mahogany Baldwin grand piano in the corner was my favorite among the instruments cluttering the room. I strode over to the piano, wanting to release this restless energy that wouldn’t fade.

  I played Gershwin’s “Rhapsody in Blue” from memory. It was my favorite piece, and one I knew by heart. I closed my eyes and all my tension from the past month vanished the moment I touched the ivory keys. The music pushed aside all my doubts and worries about my future and how I would tackle the next phase of my life as I moved toward adulthood.

  Clapping interrupted my playing. I opened my eyes to see Corinne standing off the side.

  “Hey,” I said then cleared my dry throat.

  “I always love hearing you play that piece.” She sat next to me on the bench, her bare thigh pressed against mine.

  I set my hands on the keys, peering unabashed at Corinne. She was gorgeous tonight, actually glowing, with her hair styled simply and unadorned, flowing across her shoulders and down her back. She wore a strapless pink tube dress showing off her tanned skin and way too much of her chest and shoulders and back.

  If I leaned down and kissed her shoulder, would she be shocked and push me away? I choked back a groan and shifted away to stand.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked and dropped her hand on my knee.

  I crossed my ankles and locked my thighs together. I’d never felt this way before, and it was making it hard for me to concentrate. “I, ah, nothing. How did you know I was here?”

  “I saw you enter the house. I felt like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Her lips formed a small pout.

  “We’ve both been busy with finals and graduation.” I swallowed, finding it difficult to talk with her for some reason. “You’ve spent most of your time with Chase.”

  Her mouth dropped to a straight line. “He and I are just friends.”

  “Just friends?” I shook my head. “But didn’t you and he—”

  She lifted her hand from my knee and laid it over mine on the keys. I jolted when she curled her fingers through my limp ones but I didn’t move my hand away. A tumbling sensation in my stomach expanded. She stared at me as if she wanted to kiss me.

  “Chase and I did have sex after prom. It wasn’t what I expected.” She squeezed my fingers. “I didn’t really like it.”

  “Why?” I asked, hiding a happy smile that the most admired boy in our class failed to please her.

  She rolled her bottom lip with her two front teeth. A blush rose up her throat and covered her cheeks. “He wasn’t you.”

  “What?” I mouthed, unable to speak correctly.

  “Ever since we kissed in the bathroom, you’re all I can think about. I want to be with you.”

  “But you’re not—”

  She clasped our combined hands to her chest. “I’ve always had feelings for you, but I was confused. We were hanging out a more these past few months, and whenever we were doing homework or practicing our music, all I thought about was making out with you.”

  “You’re gay?” My heartbeat drummed in my ears.

  “I’m not sure,” she whispered. “But I must be if I like you and want to do things with you.”

  “What do you mean by, ‘like’ and ‘do things’?” I fisted my other hand down on
the piano keys.

  Corinne wet her lip with the tip of her tongue. “I can’t explain it in words.”

  “Show me what you mean,” I directed in a hoarse voice.

  She lifted a shaking hand to my cheek, and took off my glasses, setting them on top of the piano. I moved forward to meet her mouth as it came over mine. She sucked down, her teeth jabbing gently, causing me to moan. Her tongue swept inside my mouth. I captured her tongue and circled it with mine, pulling her in near as she kissed me harder. When she reached between us and squeezed my breast, I moved back, panting.

  “Did I do it right?” she asked, staring at my chest while she molded one of my breasts in her palm.

  I wanted her to touch me all over without any clothes, to be my first, to show me what it was like to finally make love.

  “Yes. I-I want more,” I said and pressed my mouth on her hers again.

  She giggled and nipped my bottom lip. “Why don’t we move to the couch where we’ll be more comfortable?”

  I nodded, anxious to continue our kissing. She kissed me once and then twice before she led me to the couch in the corner. I lay back on the cushions, staring up at her. She lowered the bodice of my dress to my waist and dropped her mouth over my naked breast. I arched back as she slid her hand between my legs and touched me in a shocking way that had me crying out her name.

  She was the first person I was unashamed to be naked with, who I allowed to touch me any way she wanted. I returned the favor with my own inexperienced fumbling. My reward was her sobbing my name and whispering how happy I made her.

  Eventually, we dozed in each other’s arms. When I woke up, Corinne sat in the corner on the opposite end of the couch, huddled under a throw blanket.

  I blinked away my sleep, not bothering to cover myself as I sat up. I grew worried at her pale face. “What’s wrong?”

  She sniffed and wiped her glossy eyes. “Everything.”

  I leaned over to wrap her in my arms, but she jumped off the couch. Instead of going after her, I grabbed a pillow off the floor and hugged it to my chest.

  “You should get dressed before someone finds us,” she said and bent down to scoop up her clothes.

  I combed my fingers through my hair, confused. “Are you throwing me out? I thought—”

  “You thought what?” she snapped and wiped under her eyes. Her mascara smeared and stained her cheeks.

  “This isn’t going to be a one-time thing between us.” I gritted my teeth and swallowed a scream. She’d better not say it was a mistake.

  “I wasn’t thinking correctly. I screwed up,” she said softly and placed my dress and glasses on the arm of the couch.

  I stared at her in disbelief. “You said you loved me!”

  “I do,” she replied, misery coating her voice. “I want you to know how I feel about you before I leave.”

  “Leave? You mean when you go to Julliard in September?” I stood, dropping the pillow on the floor and grabbing my dress.

  She rubbed her toes over the top of her other foot. “I’m not going to Julliard. My Uncle Terry wants me to come out to Los Angeles to finish the demo for my album. One of the record labels he works with is interested in hearing my music. It could be my big break. If things don’t work out, then I can go to school.”

  “What about us?” I asked, a bad feeling settling in the pit of my stomach.

  “If my career takes off, I need to concentrate on my music and making it a success. I should stay single for a while.”

  “What you mean is that you can’t be seen with me because it may ruin your chances at becoming some big rock star,” I snapped, fisting my glasses hard enough to crack.

  She blinked away the tears dripping from the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry, but I can’t deal with us now.”

  I pulled my dress over my head and snatched up my underwear and sandals. I shook with rage and my eyes and throat burned. “How could you fool around with me last night when you didn’t plan for us to be together?” I raised my fist. I wanted to smash something. “You’re the first person I ever kissed and was naked with.” I covered my mouth, swallowing back bile. “You’re my first in everything!”

  “I wanted something to remember you by.” She held out her hand, a plea on her face.

  “You’re unbelievable. Did you really think I would be okay with you using me?” I shook my head and started toward the stairs.

  She jumped in front of me and took hold of my arms regardless of the blanket falling and leaving her naked. I caught sight of the small purple bruise I’d left near her throat, and a growl erupted from my throat. She reached up to clasp the back of my head. Thrusting her away, my elbow hit her in her chin accidentally. She let me go and cupped her chin, staring at me in shock.

  I whispered her name, disgusted at myself for the violence I’d inflicted on her. She said my name and, with one arm, held me to her chest. I cried, hot tears wetting my cheeks, the cramp in my stomach changing to an ache that flew up my front and jabbed in between my eyes.

  She lifted my face and showed me her tears. She mouthed how sorry she was and kissed me with incredible passion. I responded, grabbing her by the shoulders and knocking her into the piano. I would have gone down on my knees then and loved her with my mouth between her legs, but she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve me. She’d made her choice, and no amount of pleasure we gave one another or exclamations of love would change anything. She wanted to live a lie to help her succeed with her precious career, the most important thing in her life. More important than me.

  As she pulled me back to the couch, I thrust her away and ran to the stairs.

  “Good-bye, Corinne.” I shot up the stairs, tears streaming down my face.

  Her sobbing and crying my name haunted me as I ran out of her house and into the early morning.

  She didn’t chase after me or try and contact me. A week later, she moved to California, and six months later, her first number one hit single skyrocketed her debut album to the top spot and won her more Grammys than any other artist that year….

  The ringing of the doorbell jerked me out of my memory. My face burned, and my eyes stung with unshed tears. Combing my fingers through my hair, I approached the door. Looking through the peephole, I held my breath at seeing Corinne. I didn’t answer.

  “I heard piano music inside. I know you’re in there, Whitney.” She pressed her face up to the peephole.

  “Great,” I muttered and unlocked the door to open it.

  She held out my yearbook. “Here’s your yearbook you left at the school. So, you still play?”

  “Play what?”

  “The piano.” She pointed to the instrument and stepped forward.

  I snatched my yearbook and blocked her from coming inside. “Why do you think I’ll let you in?”

  “You ran away from me for no reason. This time I’m not letting you get away. Unless you want your neighbors to hear us arguing, you better let me in.”

  “We wouldn’t want that because it would ruin your reputation as a straight artist,” I said in a bitchy tone.

  She pursed her lips and tapped her foot. “The only opinion that matters right now is yours. I’m not going away and will stand here all night until you talk to me.”

  “When did you get so pushy?” I relented and allowed her to enter.

  “I have to be pushy in my line of work,” she said and shut the door.

  “But not honest,” I volleyed back and walked to my piano and leaned against it.

  Corrine scoped out my condo and nodded in approval. “I like your place, especially your piano.”

  “How did you know where I live?”

  She smiled. “Karl told me. He was willing to help me out with you.”

  “Help you out?” I wasn’t sure where she was headed with this discussion. It made me nervous.

  “I told him about us in high school and that I want to give us a shot like I should have done years ago. He thinks you’ll be good for me,” she said and moved closer.

  I took a seat on the piano bench, rather than remain stuck against the piano in case she boxed me in like she did back at the school. “Karl and your parents don’t have a problem with your sexuality?”