Shame of It All Read online

  “Is it why Marina crashed her car? She found out about you and Colt?”

  She looked at me in confusion, slightly dazed either by my question or her internal battle. “I don’t know. He doesn’t, either, so you can’t blame him for her death.”

  “Why not? He’s to blame for a lot of horrible things.” My voice shook not because I was emotional, but the pain in my feet had become too much to bear. Blood stained the floor every time I moved my feet to elevate the pressure on them.

  “Like what?” She rubbed her cheek on her shoulder and lowered the gun.

  I could try and grab for the gun, but she would probably shoot off a few rounds. I should duck and cover, hoping if she did shoot, she would run out of bullets before any of them hit me. I lifted my leg to shake it out, which was a bad move on my part because she sprang at me.

  I bumped into the broken French doors, the glass doing damage to my feet as she thrust the gun under my chin. Bone-chilling fear, something I hadn’t experienced since Colt raped me, spread through my body.

  “I told you to stand still.” For the first time since she broke in, she cocked the trigger.

  I closed my eyes, cursing myself as pee trickled down my leg.

  “I hope you’re scared.”

  “I wet myself, so you’ve accomplished your mission.” I took a steady breath. “The reason I came back to Cartleigh is because I also have one.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” She lowered the gun just enough that if she did shoot me, the bullet wouldn’t tear through my throat.

  “I came here to confront my past.” I stared at the bloodstained floor. “I wanted answers from Colt about Marina’s death and why he hurt me.”

  “Hurt you how?” She lowered her arm again, the gun aimed at my stomach.

  “You probably know Marina and I were close friends since we were five. When I found out she died, I wanted answers. I thought Colt would give me them. But I found out more than I bargained for.”

  My head was pounding, making me woozy. I pressed into the broken doorframe to alleviate the pressure on my feet.

  “Go on.” For some reason, the strength in her voice left, and she sounded unsure.

  I really didn’t want to explain myself to her but in order to stay alive, I would have to admit about my rape. Hopefully, if she knew I was a victim like she was of Colt’s, she would side with me, and I could convince her to put down the gun.

  “I was upset Marina was with Colt not because I was jealous of her. Like your sister, and you, I was involved with him but it ended badly.” I fisted my hands to stop them from shaking. “He raped me in high school.”

  “You’re lying,” she spat but kept the gun pointed downward.

  “Why would I lie? But like Marina, you don’t believe me, either. Based on your experience with Colt, you really think he’s a good man?” My voice cracked, and I wasn’t sure if I did it on purpose or not. “Look at the things he’s done to Karine and you. He’s not a good person.”

  “What has he done to me and Karine? I’m not upset he was with Karine first. He dropped her for me. I won.” She smiled proudly.

  “You may think it’s true. But he hasn’t forgotten about your sister. He ended up giving her something special. Something he hasn’t given you, to prove his love.” Unlike me who destroyed the evidence of his hate.

  “What is it?” She hugged herself and stared at the floor.

  “After Marina died, they had an affair, and Karine became pregnant. Colt is the father of your niece Briella.”

  She lurched back as if she had been shot. She shook her head no and opened her mouth. Nothing came out, but she did raise the gun again. I fell to the floor, glass be damned, and tried to crawl for cover. I didn’t move fast enough behind the island, and, when the shot rang out, I was struck in my shoulder. The impact threw me to the floor. An indescribable pain attacked my shoulder and arm. I cried out and rolled into a ball, expecting more bullets, but the only thing I heard was something falling and my heartbeat echoing in my ears.

  Agnes’ sobs filled the kitchen. I clutched my arm and sat up, almost vomiting because of the sharp jabbing in my shoulder and the bee-like stings in my legs and feet. I scooted over and stuck out my head from behind the island. She sat on the floor against the cabinet with her arms around her head on her knees while she cried. The gun lay closer to me, surrounded by blood.

  I had to call for help before I passed out. She might leave me for dead or try and shoot me again. My cell was upstairs in my bedroom, and the landline was disconnected. I wouldn’t be able to get to my cell because I was in bad shape. I had to ask the one person here besides myself for help.

  I tossed the gun through one of the broken windows to the porch. Then, I crawled to Agnes even though my body was ready to give out. I sat next to her. She looked up from her knees, her face and eyes red with tears. She just stared at me. I tucked her hair behind her ear, and she bent over and cried she was sorry.

  I patted her head until she laid it on my lap. I let her cry while I played with her hair. Blood covered me everywhere. What a mess she made of the kitchen, and of me. I was ready to fall to the side and sleep but had to do something important first.

  “Aggie, we’re both in bad shape. Do you have your phone on you so I can call for help?”

  She took out her cell from her pocket and gave it to me. My ragged breathing helped me concentrate as I called 911. I stayed on the phone while I rubbed Agnes’ hair, telling her I forgave her even though I felt the opposite.

  ###

  I wanted to tear off my skin. It was the first thing I would do when I could think clearly. I felt mummified in the bandages binding my feet and legs, as well as my left arm, encased in some type of sling. The hospital bed sheets made me cry because they felt like sandpaper.

  I shouldn’t have been so cranky and was lucky to be alive, but I was in an ugly mood. Even more so because Yakim wasn’t here. But as my focus grew better even in my drugged state, I realized I wasn’t alone. Ari sat in a chair next to my bed and became alert when he saw I was awake.

  “Hey, you.” He leaned toward me and brushed away my hair falling in my eyes.

  His tender touch was something I needed then, but it didn’t stop the sudden nausea hitting my gut.

  “I’m going to throw up.” I gagged.

  He pressed something under my mouth—a plastic basin—and I vomited whatever was in my stomach. Bile and foul-smelling liquid filled it until nothing else came up. Spasms hit my stomach, and I gulped in air on the pillow. Ari continued to rub my head and tell me it would be okay, until I was in control again.

  Someone else entered the room. A nurse spoke to Ari. He passed her the dirtied basin and she said she would get me something to settle my stomach. She left, and he kept playing with my hair and rubbing my head.

  Eventually I opened one eye and zoomed on his concerned face. “How did you know I was here?”

  He pressed his palm on my forehead. “I have friends on the police force. One called me to tell me what happened to you. I came here as soon as you were admitted.”

  “That was nice of your friend.”

  “He thinks we’re dating.” He stroked the side of my face. “I was scared to death when I saw you in this bed beaten up. Why the fu…hell would Agnes Yeaton do this to you?”

  “Because of Colt. She’s obsessed with him and thought we were together.” I would stick to the truth as much as possible, at least until Yakim arrived.

  “Is it true about Colt and you?” he asked with concern, but there was something more underneath his question. I couldn’t say it was jealousy but maybe along the lines of suspicion. If so, it wouldn’t have surprised me.

  “It’s more of a flirtation between us. The last time I saw him was a week ago.” I shifted to my back, wincing from the stiffness and overall sickness coating my body and head. Ari’s hand fell away, but he remained close.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t call you or see you after Thanksgivi
ng. I was busy with my family. I found out.” He cleared his throat and looked ahead.

  “What?” I wanted to take his attention off me because if he continued to ask questions, I wasn’t sure I could keep from blurting out things he shouldn’t know.

  “My mom has breast cancer. She’s in the early stages.” He held his fist to his mouth and closed his eyes.

  “Ari, I’m so sorry.” I truly was. I pressed my free, unbruised hands to his. “Worst Thanksgiving and post-Thanksgiving ever.”

  He chuckled and took my fingers. “You could say that.” He locked eyes with mine and lifted my hand to kiss. “Are you okay with telling me what happened at your house?”

  I sighed, wishing we were much closer intimately or bonded so I could tell him everything. But if I gave away all my secrets, it might ruin—

  “Milost.”

  I twisted around, even as an electric current of pain shot up my side. Yakim, dressed in the same suit he wore yesterday, with uncombed hair and unshaven face, stood in the doorway. I held out my hand and said his name. He hurried to me, and, when he reached the bed, he pulled me into his arms. Ari told him to be careful, but I waved at him while I hid my face in Yakim’s chest and inhaled his scent.

  While he whispered he loved me in Russian, I repeated the same and then proceeded to vomit on him.

  ###

  The next time I woke up, I was in a much wider bed with flannel sheets and light-gray walls. There was also a dog lying at my feet. It was Herriot, who lifted his head to stare at me. His tongue hung out of his mouth, and he wagged his tail. He always did this when he saw me. Even though I wanted to fall back to sleep, I sat up using my good arm and wondered why was I in Ari’s bedroom and not in my own.

  I couldn’t say how much time had passed. After Yakim arrived at the hospital, it was all a blur. I barely remember the two detectives who came to visit me for my statement on my attack. It might have been only a day or two since I had been admitted to the hospital, but until I saw a calendar, I wouldn’t know for certain. The aches in my body weren’t as strong, and, if anything, I was more stiff than in pain. Moving my shot arm didn’t hurt too much, so it was a good sign. Although my hair needed a wash, and the clothes I wore—an old Amherst T-shirt and faded blue sleep pants didn’t smell as fresh as they should, much like me.

  I threw aside the sheets and blanket and carefully lowered my feet to the floor. Herriot jumped off the bed and trotted out of the room. I slid my feet into tan moccasin slippers but ignored the fleece robe on a chair. Standing didn’t take too much out of me, but my feet felt swollen and pin-like pricks attacked my toes. I shuffled to the door, cursing under my breath. The warm air from the vents in the wall made me antsy, and I wanted to dunk in a warm bath.

  Men’s voices carried up the stairs from below. Grabbing the banister, I took each step at a time, hating how my legs shook. Before I reached the bottom, Yakim was there. Herriot sat at his side, wagging his tail.

  “What day is it?” I waved him away when he held his hand out to me.

  “It’s Thursday. You’re at Dr. Cobb’s house.” When I reached the bottom, he gave me his arm. I let him lead me wherever he wanted me to go.

  “Why am I at his house and not mine?” I squeezed his arm to stop him. “What’s happened with Agnes, and where are we with Colt?”

  “Let’s go into the kitchen and see Dr. Cobb.” He guided me ahead even though it took longer to walk because of my aches. “We were going to wake you up per the doctor, but you beat us to it.”

  “My memory is foggy. Why can’t I remember the last two days?” I whispered not because I didn’t want Ari to overhear, but my throat hurt, and for some reason I wanted to cry.

  “You’ve been sleeping on and off. Dr. Cobb kindly let you stay as his guest for your recovery.” He kissed my knuckles and directed me toward the kitchen.

  “Why am I staying here and not in some safe house of yours?” I wanted to kick Yakim, who lifted his finger to his mouth to shush me. Ari stood at the kitchen table, which was set too perfectly for breakfast, complete with a large pile of pancakes and glass server of what looked to be maple syrup.

  “Mercy, how are you feeling?” He smiled and pulled out a chair for me.

  Yakim helped me sit and then took a chair across from me. Ari kept standing.

  “I feel like I was hit by a bus.” I lifted my left arm and winced. “How bad do I look?”

  Yakim pressed his thumbs to his chin and stared with a sharp gaze that would make anyone shiver. “You’re pale and sickly. But the big issues are the bottoms of your feet that have been stitched up and the scratches on your legs. You also have deep bruising on your left arm where you were grazed, but thankfully it won’t affect the muscles or bones there.”

  Ari poured orange juice in the glass near me and sat down, holding a mug filled with coffee. “You were lucky and may recover faster from being shot than the cuts from the glass on your feet and legs.”

  “I’m afraid to look in a mirror. Good thing I’m wearing these.” I plucked at the pajama bottoms, feeling so out of place with both men who were better dressed than I was. Yakim wore a nice dark button-down dress shirt, and Ari a navy-blue V-neck sweater and khakis.

  “You should be able to return home. The police felt it best you stayed someplace else after you left the hospital because they were still investigating the crime scene.” A range of expressions crossed Yakim’s face.

  Ari drank his coffee, unaware of how on edge Yakim was. “The yellow tape is still there.”

  “When I think crime tape and crime scene, it means a homicide or dead body. Did Agnes kill herself in my kitchen?” There was no way I would spend another night in that house if she ended her life there. I wanted to cry not because of a possible death, but she dared to impugn the memory of my grandparents and their lives they had made there.

  “She’s alive but sedated. She’s at the hospital, refusing to speak to anyone.” Ari finished his coffee even as his hand trembled. “Whenever her parents or sister visit her, she starts to cry and says she wants to die.”

  “Boo hoo on her.” I glanced away and petted Herriot’s head. He rested his face on my knee and stared at me with his adorable brown eyes.

  “This is the most exciting thing to happen to Cartleigh since you and Yakim came here.” Ari scratched his chin.

  “You two have gotten close over the past few days?” I grimaced when my stomach growled. Loudly.

  “You hungry, Milost?” Yakim started to rise from his chair, but Ari waved at him.

  “Sit. I’ll get it.” Ari went to the oven to take out another plate of pancakes.

  “Everything about this is too weird.” I sipped my orange juice, wishing vodka was added to it. But at least the too-large stack of pancakes looked good.

  “Ari and I had many hours of conversation while you slept. We both want what’s best for you.” Yakim folded his arms and relaxed back in his chair.

  “What does that mean?” I let Ari dish out two pancakes on my plate.

  “It’s why you’ve slept here for the past few days and not at a hotel.” Ari served himself some pancakes and set the rest on the table. “Yakim thinks it’s best if you stay with me for now.”

  “He thinks that, does he?” I jabbed my fork at Yakim. “Would you be kind enough to explain why you want me to stay here?”

  “It would be useless to argue with you because you would refuse to leave until you finished what you came here to do.” He lifted an eyebrow at me.

  I turned to Ari who poured syrup on his pancakes. “Do you have anything to add to the conversation?”

  “Nope.” He took a bite of his food. “Yakim explained your dedication to your work on his behalf and why it’s so important to you to stay. Also, you might not be able to leave once Agnes is arrested. You still have to give a statement to the police about the night she attacked you.”

  “Do you know why she attacked me?”

  “She won’t say. Do you know why?” Yaki
m asked, almost taunting. He had to know why.

  “Ari, do you know?” I couldn’t understand how he could eat under these crazy circumstances.

  “It has something to do with Colt, right?” He finished chewing and sat back, watching me as intently as Yakim.

  I opened my mouth, at a loss for words. Why did it seem Yakim wanted me to reveal all to Ari? What had they talked about that would make Ari so flexible or understanding of my situation, I could be his new roommate of sorts for however long?

  The phone on the kitchen wall rang. Ari answered it while Yakim and I stared at one another in silence. I was ready to take a bite of my pancake and throw the rest at Yakim to make him respond, but then Ari hung up the phone.

  “That was a call from my office about an emergency with a patient. I have to make another call on the status. Please excuse me.” He came to my side and rubbed my back and then left the room.

  “Did you tell Ari the real reason I returned to Cartleigh?” I asked.

  “No. It’s not my place to say, but we did talk about you and the people in this town you both know.”

  “One of them being Colt?” I moved Herriot off my knee and rose from my chair.

  “Where are you going?” Yakim stood, also.

  “I don’t know.” For the first time in a long time my mind was muddled, which I guess was understandable after the trauma I’d experienced. It made me laugh because what were the odds I would be violently attacked twice in my life? I shook my head at Yakim, still laughing, although weakly, when I left the kitchen.

  I put on a black hooded sweatshirt hanging near the front door and opened it to walk out on the front porch. My eyes burned from the morning sun as I sat on the wooden garden bench in the corner. The sweatshirt wasn’t adequate to keep me warm, but perhaps the cold would take away my grogginess.

  I wasn’t alone for long. Yakim appeared wearing his wool herringbone overcoat his mother bought him one Christmas. He joined me and hung his arm behind me. I should have minded him invading my space, but he belonged next to me.