Shame of It All Read online

  Any color on her face vanished, and the fine lines and wrinkles of a woman her age popped out more than they should have. Her confidence had drained away with every word I spoke.

  “He raped you.”

  “Yes. I didn’t return to Cartleigh after twenty years for revenge just because I was scorned. I would have never returned at all, but one phone call made me. Marina told me the night before her car accident she was marrying Colt.” I pulled out a picture of Marina in front of the convertible, a gift from Colt, and the one she died in. “I came here to find out if her accident was really that or if she was murdered.”

  “You can’t think he killed her.” She lifted a different picture of Marina posing on Colt’s deck and set it next to the one of her with her daughter and Colt.

  “I don’t know. But something made her get into a car and drive into a tree. Did she find out he was screwing around with Agnes? Or maybe you, also?”

  She looked at me in a daze, her eyes glassy with tears. She wiped under them and shook her head. “He was devastated by Marina’s death. He might be…dishonest in some ways but he’s not a killer.”

  “You have to believe he’s not a killer because how will you explain to your daughter her father killed the woman he was going to marry? And I don’t mean your husband.”

  She lifted a trembling hand to her mouth. “You’re accusing me of cheating on Brody with Colt and getting pregnant, and Briella is his daughter?”

  “She was born a little over eight months after Marina’s death. Just coincidence?”

  She glanced away, a tear sliding down her cheek. Her pain didn’t stop me from proceeding. “You may think I’m a horrible person out to destroy lives, but you’re more an unfortunate causality, if anything. I’m here to ruin Colt. All his actions have led to this point. Actions have consequences.” I shut the folder and tapped it with a nail. “Now you and this town will have to face them.”

  “But what about you?” She glared at me while she wiped her cheek with a napkin. “You’re a hypocrite. You fell for Colt in high school, living in a fantasy world that he would be faithful to you and make you his queen like he tried to do with Marina.”

  “I blame myself more than you will ever know. She’s dead because I told her the truth about Colt right before she died.” I wouldn’t reveal all to Karine—not my abortion or what was said during my final phone call with Marina. Maybe I was a hypocrite like she accused me of being, but she hadn’t suffered like I had. She made her choices, rejecting Colt only to return to him for her own stupid reasons.

  She dropped her hands on the folder, our fingertips almost touching. “Are you giving me this as a form of blackmail?”

  “Think of it as a gift. You’ll have some forewarning for when everything blows up. You can plan accordingly.”

  “I can call Colt to make him aware, also.” She sniffed and glanced at her cell.

  “You’re a strange one. Instead of worrying about yourself or your sister or husband, you think of Colt first. What spell does he have over you?”

  She grabbed the folder and held it to her chest. “The same hold he has on you but different emotions are involved. He’s always been a part of my life.” She shrugged.” It is what it is.”

  Pressing her for a better explanation was useless. She had let Colt go at one point, perhaps realizing if she stayed with him and became his like she did with her husband, she might end up like Marina. But whatever control he had over her was too strong, so she settled for what she could get. How pathetic. She could have been his queen and his partner, but instead she was a convenient side piece like her sister was now.

  My cell rang in my purse. The ringtone was Yakim’s. I turned toward the bar, finding him there drinking. He lifted his glass and shook it showing ice cubes left. It was time for me to leave.

  “Whatever happens, you’re lucky your daughter is still too young to understand. You and your husband will shield her. That has to count for something.” I threw some bills on the table for the wine. “Brody probably knows what Colt’s capable of, and he most likely knows your weakness with Colt, also.”

  “Fuck you.” She studied the top of the table. “You don’t have any clue what my marriage is like. You don’t have any right to assume about my relationship with my daughters.”

  “No, I don’t. Marriage is a mystery to me.” My cell rang again with Yakim’s ringtone. “As for children, it was something taken away from me.” I thrust away my chair to rise. “If my child had lived, he or she would have been nineteen this year.”

  She jerked her head up and more tears fell from her eyes. “What? Your child with Colt?”

  “Take care, Karine.” I spoke the softest since we started this conversation. “This is the last time we will see one another.”

  She just stared at me, heartbroken, tears staining her cheeks as I left with Yakim trailing me until we stood outside and I let him hold me upright as my legs gave out.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  “Do you remember the first time you gave me M&M’s?” I opened the single-sized package of M&M’s, chose a red one, and set the package on top of Marina’s headstone.

  “I remember it well. It was the Friday at the end of the first week of kindergarten. We were waiting to be picked up after class. You took out a package of M&M’s and asked me if I wanted one.” I popped the oval candy in my mouth and chewed fast to make it go down easier. “I said no because I didn’t like chocolate. Instead of saying I was strange or looking at me like I had two heads, you told me to try one. I did because I wanted to be your friend.” I drank from my water bottle to erase the sour taste of chocolate in my mouth. “Every day we were in school together, you offered me your M&M’s, and I ate them to make you happy. Not once in all the years we went to school together did you think to ask if I liked M&M’s or I just ate them to make you happy. You were selfish that way, in so many ways, but because I loved you, I let you believe what you wanted to believe.”

  I bent down, ready to sit on the grass even though it was damp with melting snow. But then I would become colder than I already was, and I didn’t want to ruin my suit. Yakim wouldn’t let me. He sat on a bench nearby while I had alone time with the gravestone. Eventually he would come to me. Maybe sooner if I fell to the ground like I started to in front of the bistro after my talk with Karine. He was there to catch me like always. He would do the same again.

  My right eye twitched and then stung with the need to scratch it because of an itch imbedded inside. I wanted to tear my eyes out because they were swollen from crying. After so long, I had broken down and I hated myself for it. At least Yakim had the foresight to let me cry in private and in his arms. The last time I did was when I found out Marina died.

  “Oh, M, where do I go from here? It should be where do we go from here but you’re dead. You shouldn’t be but you are. There’s still so much I want to tell you about me and after high school. I wanted to make you understand why I did the things I did. Why I tried so hard to keep our friendship alive when you were fine with it dying out.” I wiggled my nose as both eyes stung now. “Damn you, and damn me.”

  I hunched down and examined the poinsettia and white lily arrangement I laid out when I first arrived. She loved seeing poinsettias everywhere for Christmas. Since I couldn’t give her a gift, these flowers would have to do. I would have covered her grave in blinking lights to make her shine above all the other graves. She would have liked it. She always wanted to be the brightest and most noticeable in the group.

  “This will be the last time I visit here. Loose ends are being tied up. Once they are, I’m gone, never to return.” I lost my balance and dropped my knee to the ground despite the snow. “Funny how you were the one who always said you wanted to leave this shithole. You were relentless, as much as you were about making me eat M&M’s for years. But I’m the one leaving, and you’re staying here forever.” I scooped up some snow and tossed it at the grave. “And I will never eat another damn M&M.”

  �
��Mercy.” Yakim appeared and offered me his hand. I took it and snuggled into his side as we viewed the grave.

  I drew an arm around his waist and started to turn away. “Let’s walk.”

  “You want to walk in this cold? We could drive around where it’s much warmer.” He let me pull him away and didn’t fight. I rarely made him do something he didn’t want to do, but he gave me this.

  “I’d rather walk here. It’s quiet and peaceful. I don’t mind the cold.” I really didn’t, even with scratchy eyes and wet knees.

  He held me close under his arm, as if it would protect me from the elements. Always a gentleman. “Would you like to visit your mother’s grave?”

  “I’ll visit before we leave Cartleigh. Today was for Marina.”

  “Your loyalty for her always astounded me.”

  His disgruntled tone made me smile. “Today’s visit wasn’t because of my loyalty. It was a goodbye. There’s not much left for me to do for her. It’s now a waiting game with Colt, to see if Karine warns him or takes the initiative like I did with her and confronts him.”

  “I want to be here if you see him again. But not tonight. I’ll be in Manhattan for the night.” He paused and clasped my arms. “Come with me. We’ll stay at a ridiculously expensive hotel where you’ll be pampered. It will be good for you to get away.”

  “As appealing as your offer is, I must decline. I don’t have many nights left here, and I want to spend them in Grandmother’s house.”

  “It’s your house.” He rubbed my arms.

  “I’ll always think of it as hers.” She was the one who accepted the house as a young bride and decorated it to her liking. The house at the lake would always be considered hers. Not mine.

  “Will you sell it? It might be time to do so.” He always thought about investments and making money, but in this case, it was more to do with my emotional investment in the house. Just like with Marina, perhaps it was time to let the house go. If I was going to leave the past, the house I grew up in might have to be sacrificed.

  “I haven’t decided yet. I could always rent it.”

  “Better to sell it.” He took my hand, and we started walking.

  “Hmm.” I wasn’t ready to agree with him yet. I let him think he won. “What time are you going to the city tonight?”

  “By four. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon.”

  I was curious as to who he was meeting, but he would tell me eventually. Most often than not, I sat in on his meetings. Because he didn’t press me to come with him, it might not be too important. Perhaps he would spend time with old friends. Perhaps Vance, to thank him. I would be fine alone for the night. Another bubble bath while drinking vodka or wine would help me sleep well.

  “Don’t have too much fun without me.” I shifted closer to him for some heat as we started back to the car. We passed by Marina’s grave, the flowers and brown packaging of the M&M’s bright among the undecorated gray tombstones.

  “Yakim, do you like M&M’s?” I had no idea if he did or not.

  ###

  The silence that helped lull me to sleep was stolen away when I was awakened by glass breaking. It took me a few seconds to erase the fogginess in my head and become aware of the world around me. My hearing helped me focus before my sight. When both worked together, I was able to sit up in bed and take in my surroundings.

  I was quite calm for being thrown out of my sleep. My pulse didn’t race or pound in my ears. Something was off, but I couldn’t tell how. The bedroom window rattled from the wind that must have strengthened from an incoming storm set to hit the area in the next few days. But something created by Mother Nature wasn’t the reason for my interrupted sleep.

  As I got out of bed, I wondered if an animal was in my house, like a mouse. A creature like that could knock over something. I had left two wineglasses on the counter instead of putting them away because of my goodbye to Yakim. Now I would have to investigate so I didn’t fall back to sleep and forget about possible broken glass on the kitchen floor I would have to clean anyway.

  I walked down the stairs and to the kitchen. Turning on the light, I spotted the glasses still in their spot on the counter, but the glass from the French doors to the porch was in pieces on the floor. Something much bigger like a human was in the house.

  The clicking behind me, and the change in the air in the room to prove someone had joined me was all I needed. When something poked my back, I knew for certain I had an unwanted guest.

  “May I turn around or are you going to shoot me first?” I asked as calmly as possible so not to startle my intruder and speed along my murder.

  “Face me, bitch.”

  I turned to Agnes who pointed a Beretta at my chest. She was dressed in black from head to toe. She covered her hair with a black skullcap, accentuating her wan and washed-out face. Her lips were chapped and spotted with dried blood. She either chewed her lips or someone had bitten them.

  “Agnes, why did you break into my house? To shoot me?” I wanted to cross my arms but thought it better to leave them at my sides.

  She jabbed my chest with the barrel of the gun. “I need you dead just like Marina.”

  Now my pulse raced. Agnes was an unexpected twist, and I didn’t mean her break-in. I would have never expected she had a role in Marina’s demise.

  “Are you admitting you killed Marina?” I shifted for some space in case she tried to shoot me.

  She scowled and shook her head. “She killed herself. Dumb cunt was drunk when she drove.”

  “Why would she drive drunk? Did Colt say or do something to her?” I stepped back. “Or did you?”

  “Stop moving!” Her arm shook as she jerked back the gun.

  I froze and lifted my hands. Something sharp poked under my foot but I didn’t lift it away. “I don’t usually stand around like this in my pajamas. How about we sit down—”

  “Don’t patronize me.” She poked me with the gun again, making me stumble.

  I hissed as the broken glass pricked my feet. “I’m not patronizing you. I’m talking with you to keep you calm so you don’t shoot me.”

  “I am calm,” she said in a much stronger voice. “I’m deciding whether I should shoot you or not.”

  “You would really ruin your entire life by killing me? Why?” I bit the inside of my cheek as shards of glass cut my feet.

  “You’re in the way. I know what you did to Colt.” She wiggled her nose as if she smelled something bad.

  So Karine hadn’t talked to her yet? Interesting. I lifted my foot, my blood staining the kitchen floor. “Can we sit down? The glass is—”

  “Shut up! Stand there and just shut up.” Her arm trembled as she continued pointing the gun at me.

  “Okay.” I lifted my palms and tried ignoring the pain in my feet.

  She stared at me with hate and disgust, her frown stiff, almost pouting as her bottom lip poked out. If I suffered physical pain because of her, knowing she suffered emotionally because of me gave me some pleasure.

  This staring contest became tedious. I had to take a chance and engage her in conversation because the idea we might stand here all night was exhausting.

  “Aggie, talk to me. Why do you hate me?”

  Her face crumpled, and she lowered her arm a bit. “You stole Colt from me.”

  “I haven’t stolen him from anyone.” I hugged myself to ward off some of the chill in the room.

  “You have!” She jabbed the gun at me. “He told me you did.”

  “When? In DC?”

  “Yes! After he…we…” She stared up at the ceiling and exhaled loud. Tears filled her eyes. “He said it was a goodbye because of you. He…he…made love to me, and then, when he finished, he said it was over.”

  “He’s such a dickhead.” She should have threatened him with the gun instead of me.

  She leaned against the island and wiped at her eyes. “Why did you take him from me?”

  “I didn’t take him from you. I don’t want him. You can ke
ep him.” I stepped toward her. “You’ve been with him for how many years now?”

  She lifted the gun at me again. “Stop moving, or I’ll shoot you in your leg.”

  “Okay.” I wasn’t going to argue further. It would be useless to do so. Instead, I would suffer a little. I’d been through a lot worse, but being held at gunpoint was a first for me.

  “Sixteen years.” She sniffed and wiped under her nose.

  Well, then. Colt’s crimes continued to climb. My suspicions about him abusing her were true. He was a pedophile, or would be considered one once the media got a hold of him. It was the best term to describe him for sexually abusing a twelve-year-old girl when he was twenty-one.

  “You were too young to be involved with Colt that way.” She hadn’t even been in high school at the time. “How long did it take him to groom you—”

  “He didn’t groom me. I wanted him. I was the one who seduced him.” She smiled wide, beyond satisfied by her actions despite the pain in her eyes. The fairy tale she’d created in her head had come to an end.

  “You were with him while he was with Karine?”

  She giggled, a high-pitch snorting that sounded like a bird. “He broke up with her to be with me.”

  “When? She broke up with him—”

  “Not true!” she said in a singsong voice. “He was also with me after Marina died.” She rolled her head across her shoulders and studied the floor. “He was always with me.”

  He truly was a sick fuck. No wonder it hadn’t taken much energy on my part to bring out his kinky side. How many other women had he used like Agnes? Did he just hate women or had a major lack of morals when it came to them?

  I wanted to know if she had a part in Marina’s death or she knew what led to Marina crashing her car. I had to know, even if it meant putting myself in more danger.