Shame of It All Read online

The senator clicked his glass to mine and rested against the bar to view his family and the other acquaintances who joined their group. Colt currently talked with Brody while holding his youngest daughter in his arms. She didn’t squirm or interrupt like I expected most girls her age would do. She placed her cheek on his shoulder and started to drift away, putting her complete trust in him. Silly girl.

  He glanced at me and smiled. I think I smiled back, but it was stiff. Seeing him holding the little girl so tenderly was a joke but, like some men, he could play a fatherly role well when it suited him.

  “My nephew and you are former friends,” the senator stated as he gave me his attention.

  “Former classmates. But you probably know this, Senator Hahn.”

  “Call me Samuel. I’m not in any senatorial role today.” He fixed the cuff of his shirt he rolled under his elbows. He was the few senior members of the Senate known for not wearing a jacket and showing off his twill dress shirts. Many younger members followed his lead because he was a mentor to them.

  “Are you on a first-name basis with your constituents?” I finished my wine, eying the twenty-five-year-old bottle of single malt scotch on the top shelf. I almost let out a giggle at the idea of asking the senator if he would share a shot with me.

  “Some of them.” He kept his gaze on my face instead of zoning on my body like Colt’s father had done when I was introduced. Soon after, I was ignored, but the senator went out of his way to be polite, kind even. He treated me like I belonged, as if he wanted me to relax.

  “But I’m not one of them. That is, I used to be until college. I lived right across from the Hahn lake house.” I crossed my legs, bringing me in closer to the senator. He shared the same attributes as his older brother—Colt’s father—but had an air of authority August Hahn lacked. If I was a weaker woman, I would have laid it on thick with flirting or tried to impress him in some way to prove I was his equal even though he was old enough to be my father. But it rarely stopped women my age. Perhaps if I wasn’t so hell-bent on revenge, I would let the senator have a taste. It would be a fling, so no harm would come of it. It would also put those pesky rumors to rest in some circles on whether he was gay or not.

  “You lived with your grandparents after your mother died.” He nodded, seeming pleased by the information. “I knew your grandfather when he worked at Pufuso. Every election year I would speak to his union.” He lifted his glass. “He was a good man.”

  “He died too young.” I really couldn’t say if he was authentic or not with his sympathy. Many respected my grandfather even though he never rose above his station as a quality control technician.

  “If he was alive, do you think he would be proud of you?” The senator set his glass aside and perched his right arm on the bar, a few inches from my hand pressed to the side of my glass. He didn’t try to invade my space, per se, but he was close enough for me to acknowledge him. He wasn’t threatening, and I didn’t feel the need to excuse myself because he made me uncomfortable.

  “Grandfather was a kind and sweet man. He doted on my grandmother.” I would stay with the facts instead of offering opinions. I still had to be cautious with a Hahn, even if I felt the senator didn’t have a devious motive behind his friendliness toward me.

  “I wish I had grandparents like yours. Mine were too…strict.” He released a sigh but then grinned, although it wasn’t as deep as the smile he gave me when we met. “You were only close with your grandparents on your mother’s side? What about your father and his parents?”

  “You’re a curious man. Why so concerned about who my grandparents are?” Colt now had a group of spectators while he talked. “Want to make sure I’m the right type of woman for your nephew?”

  “I have a bad habit of asking too many questions.” He laughed loud and tapped the bar. “Your reputation proceeds you, Miss Pryce. The Zeldoviches vouch for your character. You can rest easy.”

  I’d never had a bucket of cold water thrown on me, or so the figure of speech went. But I could now imagine what it felt like as a shiver ran up my spine and the hair on my arms stood on edge. The senator’s tone never changed nor his body or expression, but the way he spoke of my relationship with the Zeldoviches made me cautious. It was far from a coincidence even though I worked for the family and was here on their behalf.

  I slid off the stool as the bartender asked if we would like another round. “I’m fine but the senator would like a scotch, the twenty-five-year Dalmore.” I drew out a fifty-dollar bill. “The drink is on me.” As the bartender poured, I held my hand out for the senator to shake. “Please excuse me while I use the ladies’ room.”

  He held my hand but didn’t shake it. “You’re not running off, are you? I hope I didn’t scare you away by mentioning your employer.”

  Again, his phrasing made me jumpy. “Not yet. If I ran off, Colt would chase after me.” I squeezed his hand, and he did the same but didn’t apply much pressure. He didn’t need to use his strength to get his point across.

  “I’ll be leaving soon. I’m needed in Washington.” He released my hand slowly while swiping the side of my hand with his thumb. “It was a pleasure speaking with you. I hope to see you again.”

  Had I gone too far? Was his interest sexual or something outside that possibility? Whatever it was, I would make Yakim aware, which was why I wanted to use the ladies’ room before Colt claimed my attention again.

  “Next time I speak to Yev, I’ll mention you. He doesn’t travel to the US often, so I assume you talked with either Maksimilian or Yakim?” I snapped my fingers and lifted the corner of my mouth in a half smile. “Unless you have visited Moscow or Saint Petersburg in the last year. The Zeldoviches spend most of their time there.”

  For a man nearing sixty, the senator didn’t have many lines on his face, but a few appeared in his forehead and on his chin. Mine was an accusation but said in such a way it was restrained and meant to disorientate. He started to speak but was drowned out by Colt asking me to join him.

  I mouthed bathroom to him, and, with a wave at his uncle, I left the room, more confident because I got the last word in. Also, there was no way in hell the senator would harm me since I was under the protection of one of the top alleged crime families in Europe and Northern Asia.

  ###

  I was suspicious by nature, and, with some paranoia thrown in, I went out of my way to use the bathroom farthest from the dining room to do my business and to call Yakim. He didn’t answer, but I left him a long voice message. It wasn’t until I grabbed some air outside near the harbor, that he responded. He left me a multi-part text, putting me at ease about the senator, but then sending a zinger about an open invitation to his friend Vance’s restaurant in New York City tonight for me and Colt. It would be the perfect place to enjoy ourselves and put some distance behind us and Cartleigh. Vance was a shrewd businessman, who had his hand in real estate and other ventures because of his parents who were part of Manhattan’s elite.

  Wanting to hear Yakim’s voice, I called him back, but he didn’t answer.

  “Der’mo.” I spat my favorite Russian curse and kicked at the dirt.

  “That’s not English.”

  I swallowed a groan at the sudden sharp pain between my shoulder blades. I was not in the mood to banter with petty Agnes. She would get on my last nerve, and I would say something insulting in the one language she understood.

  “No, it’s not. It’s a curse in one of the many languages I’m fluent in. How about you?” I faced her with a smirk. If she wanted a confrontation or some type of battle, she would have to come at me.

  “I’m not stupid. I know Spanish and French.” She showed teeth, snarling more like a house cat than a lion. She was as silly as her niece who trusted Colt. A toddler could be excused, unlike a grown woman who had such hero worship for a man who enjoyed fucking females over in every which way.

  “I don’t think you’re stupid. You graduated with honors from Villanova and practically ran Colton’s reelect
ion campaign. It’s commendable.” I was all about stating facts rather than stroking her ego. But if she accepted my ego stroking just to be rid of her, so be it.

  She frowned, showing her naivete. She was so young. She might have intelligence found in the classroom, but she still had so much to learn about life. Regardless, she would be protected and never know what true suffering was like. If her only pain was Colt’s rejection, she was very lucky.

  “Colt praises me all the time, even more than Karine.” She lifted her chin and stepped toward me with fisted hands.

  I wouldn’t put it past her to hit me, but would she, knowing her beloved Colt would see? “If you’re going to warn me off your boss, stop. I don’t want forever with him.”

  “You just want to fuck around with him.” She was an inch from my face. “Why not try with the senator? You two were cozy together at the bar.”

  I laughed at her insinuation. “I’d better go inside before I say something—”

  She grabbed my arm, digging her fingers in deep. As I went to throw her off, Karine shouted her name.

  Agnes dropped me as if burned and rubbed her palms together. She twisted on her heel and stormed away, knocking into her older sister. Karine said her name again, but Agnes gave her the finger as she turned corner.

  I covered my mouth but kept laughing. Karine rolled her eyes and joined me. I found her unthreatening, unlike her bratty sister. “Your sister really doesn’t like me.”

  “She hasn’t liked any of Colt’s girlfriends.”

  “I’m not his girlfriend. If you think I am—”

  “There has been only one other woman besides Marina he invited to his family’s Sunday brunch.” She slid her hands in her coat pockets and gave me a sad smile. “Me. Even after I married Brody, I was still invited.”

  “You two are good friends. You always have been since before high school.” I tucked my hair behind my ears, feeling somewhat self-conscious. “I was…envious of what you two had in school. You have a great bond.”

  She nodded, but her expression wasn’t one of belief. “Brody says the same, but he knows I adore him. He’s the only man I wanted to marry. Colt has always just been there.”

  “Like your favorite pair of jeans?” I teased to break the tension.

  She hunched her shoulders as the cool breeze from the harbor swarmed about us. “It’s funny how you return and Colt turns to you. He did the same with Marina. I think he has a thing for Cartleigh girls.”

  “I’m not sure if I should be insulted or not.” I spit out the end of my hair sticking to my mouth.

  “I don’t mean it like that.” She rolled back her shoulders and exhaled. “He’s his best when he’s around people he knows. This town is in his blood. It’s why he ran for mayor and loves the role. If he does win his uncle’s seat, if Samuel retires, it would be a big surprise.”

  “You don’t think he can do it?” Colt’s fame would skyrocket if he won his uncle’s seat. And if he had people with him like those who helped him become mayor, everything would be golden for him.

  “He’s proven he can. I just…” She glanced behind and waved. “Speak of the devil.”

  I wanted her to finish, but Colt walked toward us, wearing his trench coat with his scarf flapping.

  “Hi, ladies.” He smiled and inhaled. “I loved this weather.”

  “It’s too cold for me. I’d better check on the girls, especially Briella who I thought was done with naps. But you have the magic touch.” She rubbed his arm and kissed his cheek.

  “You have a way with the females, regardless of the age.” I kept my tone light. I had to in order to convince him to think outside the box for later.

  Karine gave us her goodbyes and followed the same path Agnes did. I turned to Colt, who took my hand. “We didn’t get to talk much during brunch.”

  “You’re too popular, Mayor Hahn.” My cell vibrated, indicating the unread texts Yakim sent me about tonight.

  “How about we get out of here, unless you’re sick of me.” He tightened his hold. “But I do think we need to talk about everything from high school up until what happened at the lake.”

  “I agree.” I linked my fingers with his. “But first, I want you to take me for a ride in your Porsche.”

  ###

  I didn’t urinate after sex, and I never had behind a bush near some hiking trail. But having sex on the hood of a one-hundred-twenty-thousand-dollar car in the November cold made me empty my bladder. It was also a way of rejecting Colt even though he wore a condom. I’d supplied the condom again. He never asked if I was on birth control. For some reason, I don’t think he would have cared if I ended up pregnant. Maybe if I did, it would turn out different from the last time.

  I convinced him to park the car off a side road near the entrance to the interstate at a secluded area where not many police patrolled. But I had to stop Colt from asking questions and almost bringing up the R word—rape. I wasn’t ready to open those floodgates since I had something better planned for later. So instead, I used seduction and laid myself out on his car for him to feast on. I even let him suck my throat and leave a mark, but then he took too much, and, as I climaxed, he kissed me.

  Damn him. I was going to let him kiss me all he wanted to—using his tongue and his spit, once we reached our destination, but he was selfish and wanted another piece of me. If I held him off much longer and stopped him from kissing me, he would become suspicious, which was laughable because he was inside me, a place he once abused. Or cherished as much as someone like him can based on his oh-so-romantic cries of “I love this pussy” or “give me a taste of that cunt.” At least I hadn’t blown him yet, but since he got his kiss, he would expect me to suck his cock since he gave me more than enough cunt sucking. He would want his reward soon. He would get that…and more.

  I finished peeing and wiped myself with a tissue. I straightened my church dress and hair the best I could under the circumstances. But he would probably get turned on all over again if he saw how wrinkled and flushed I was because of him. I would let him think it because I needed him primed for the favor I would ask of him. He might not let me drive his precious Porsche the fifty miles to New York City, but giving him a hand job or blow job while he drove may convince him to take the adventure.

  The sky had grown cloudier and darker. Rain was in the air, which fit my mood. But as I spotted Colt looking less than fresh with his wrinkled dress shirt and pants low on his hips he had yet to zip up, any doubts or the annoying fatigue that prodded me at inconvenient moments slipped away. While he typed something on his cell, I snapped a few pictures of him. It wasn’t until I crunched some dead leaves did he look up.

  The satisfaction in his gaze matched the way he moved his body, but the bulge in his pants remained. I sighed at his reaction because if he expected a round two, I would have to find an excuse to hold him off until we reached our destination.

  “You can text when you have sex on your mind?” I stayed by the passenger side of the car, a subtle move to show I was ready to leave.

  He turned just enough to show off his erection. “Huh?”

  “Huh?” I shook my head more playful than annoyed and pointed at that part. At least the front flap of his pants covered his penis so I didn’t have to see it taunting me to play with it some more.

  He chuckled and slid his phone in his pocket as he settled next to me. I expected him to grab me or cage me against the car. He hugged himself for warmth since his coat was in the car. I was responsible for the suggestion since I didn’t want his coat to cover me. I wanted him to fuck me in the open without any shields.

  “If you’re cold, we can get in the car and then—”

  He leaned over and kissed me, just lips and no tongue.

  I let him enjoy my mouth even though I didn’t join in. He broke the kiss and pressed his thumb to the middle of my chin, staring at me with lazy lust.

  “What was that for?” My voice sounded hoarse because I found it hard to clear my throat.
At least my pulse didn’t invade my ears as it sometimes did when I became nervous. My stomach didn’t pitch with nerves. A good sign still because remaining numb overrode all other reactions or emotions.

  “A thank-you for trusting me enough to recommend we come here. I thought at first we would—” He snickered and squeezed my chin.

  “You thought I would want to go to the lake.” I drew his hand down and hid mine under my arms before he tried to take them.

  “It would be disturbing to go back to the places where we…I…” He finally zipped his pants.

  At least he lost his horniness at the thought of discussing him raping me.

  “What we do together is bad enough. But we both have to be mental to reenact what you did to me at the lake all those years ago.” My throat tightened again but this time I coughed.

  “You’re never going to say the word, out loud, are you?” He turned to me and rested his arm on top of the car. If he did the same with his other arm, then he would box me in.

  “Why is it so important to you to hear me say you raped me?” A few drops of rain hit my face, under my eyes. Some did the same to Colt’s face. But, whereas, I didn’t bother wiping them away. He ran his palms over his face and through his hair.

  Thunder went off in the distance, and the branches with the last remaining leaves shook as the storm gained speed. If I was as religious as Colt, or as he pretended to be, I would take it as a sign.

  He apparently did because he let out a nervous laugh and looked overhead. “Someone above us is listening.”

  “If you say so.” I shrugged. “It’s going to downpour any minute, and I don’t want to get drenched. Let’s get in the car.”

  He took out his keys and unlocked the car. As I opened the door, he set his hand on my arm. He didn’t curl his fingers around my arm like he usually did. He kept it there, but it vibrated, his fingers twitching. “Want to drive back?”

  This was something I would have never predicted. He was going to let me drive his car when he wouldn’t even let Agnes? Maybe he wanted to establish more trust between us...or he was too shaken up to drive based on his reaction to blurting out the R word he wanted to hear from me.