Shame of It All Page 10

  “You want to know something? Since Marina died, I haven’t relaxed on the beach or gone swimming or boating.” He frowned. “Ironic, isn’t it, seeing as I live on the lake like you?”

  “Did. I’m staying at Grandmother’s house because it’s convenient.”

  “It’s your house now.” He nodded. “It’s part of your legacy.”

  My legacy would consist of knocking this asshole off his perch for good. I just had to be more forceful to move it along. “Marina always loved the lake. It was one of the reasons we became friends. Did she have a special spot there?”

  “She liked to stand out on the back deck at my place and watch the sun set or the stars at night.” He lowered his arms to his sides. “I find I do the same. It keeps her memory alive. She even did a photo shoot there the week before she…died.”

  He might still be affected by Marina’s death, but it could be guilt. Guilt and loss were often partners. I recognized the feeling all too well. I wouldn’t say it was something we had in common, but I recognized it for what it was.

  “I have those pictures of her at the house. I can show them to you.” He lifted his hand, as if those pictures would appear. “You can even pick one or two of them to keep since you were one of her closest friends.”

  I had been one of her closest friends when we were younger and thought we would take on the world together. But then life happened, and we took different paths. I wanted to know more about their relationship and what brought them together and why. I wanted to know what she said about me and if she told him what I revealed to her on the phone the day before her death.

  “For these pictures, I’ll have to go to your house.”

  A group of children with balloons ran in between us, stopping him from speaking. At the same time, I noticed Ari in the park. He talked to a man and woman holding a toddler. He hadn’t seen me yet.

  Something brushed my arm. The hair stood on end. It usually happened when someone invaded my space other than Yakim. It almost made me smile because my body reacted to Colt like anyone else, and I wasn’t on guard around him because of what he had done to me.

  “I’m not going to ask you if you trust me because I know you don’t, but I’d like to show you others I have of her.” He lifted his hands. “No funny business.”

  “No funny business because of your position as mayor and my role with Alzmeya.” He wouldn’t be stupid enough to try anything close to what he did to me at the lake when we were seventeen. Plus, I was better prepared to defend myself. The Mace and lipstick stun gun in my purse attested to it. I was also Krav Maga certified and could make him a paraplegic from the neck down in less than thirty seconds.

  “Exactly.” He tilted his head toward mine. “I bought a bottle of Deleon Leona. We can share it while we talk about the past. I think it’s time we do.”

  I glanced at Ari still talking with the couple. When the toddler who probably was the couple’s child gave Ari a red balloon, Ari laughed and hugged him. It would be so easy to say no to Colt and join Ari and lose myself in the harmonious scene. Ari would welcome me unconditionally. But Colt had also proffered the invitation I needed to move my mission along.

  I held out my hand for Colt to shake, but instead he curled my hand around his arm and escorted me to his car to take me to his home for a confrontation twenty years in the making.

  ###

  The sun setting over the lake looked more beautiful from Colt’s third-story deck than from Grandmother’s ground-floor patio. But it paled in comparison to the sunsets in Australia or Greece. Right around the time I developed a crush on Colt, I’d dreamt of standing on this deck towering over the other houses like a queen. Drinking my glass of tequila he poured for me, I imagined Marina felt the same. But unlike her, it wouldn’t end badly for me. I would overcome whatever demons chased her, including Colt, and come out the winner.

  He had yet to show me her pictures, but he gave me space. He didn’t lock his front door and he didn’t follow me around while I inspected the ground floor. And when he poured me a glass of the tequila, he told me to take a tour and visit the deck while he returned a phone call from his father who left him a message.

  I could have had this years ago if he hadn’t ruined it for us. But selfishness and greed were powerful emotions and not fixed with understanding and love. I had loved him, as much as my naïve young heart could. But like all things pure and beautiful—first me and then Marina, he destroyed them because he never learned boundaries. Now he would get a taste of his own medicine.

  The creaking of the stairs made me fully aware I was in his domain and under his control. I would let him believe it but also make him aware I wasn’t a victim. I continued to view the sunset. But I also kept my purse close by in case I needed protection. I didn’t think it would come to that. We would test one another to see we could meet on common ground so there would be a next time where there wouldn’t be any witnesses.

  The clinking of ice in a glass as he drank covered the creaking as he walked in my direction. I sipped my drink slowly, enjoying how smoothly it went down. If I were with Yakim, I would have another glass since it did lower my inhibitions. I always welcomed Yakim to take advantage.

  “The first time I ever had Deleon Leona was when you bought me a shot.” He joined me and held up his glass with more liquid than ice. “Until then, the most expensive bottle of alcohol I owned was Johnnie Walker Black.”

  “Your tastes have become more refined since high school.” I finished my drink and chewed an ice cube. “Does the same go for beer? Are you still a fan of Pabst?”

  He grimaced and shook his head. “I moved to Miller Light in college and never looked back. How about you? When was the last time you drank a beer?”

  I fished another ice cube from my glass. “Not since high school. The taste of it brings back bad memories.”

  Laughter came from one of the houses across the way. Smoke from a firepit floated in the air from a yard surrounded by a fence that was low enough for people there to be seen from this view. If they looked in our direction, they would see us, also. A few people were on the dock in front of the house.

  “See? We’re not alone. There are always people nearby to take advantage of the lake.” Colt perched his arms on the railing.

  “Your neighbors love their boats.” I traced the railing, wondering if I could be sneaky enough to carve my initials in the wood.

  “They’re your neighbors, if only temporary.” He chewed the last of his ice from his glass.

  “More like my grandmother’s. The house was always hers, not mine.”

  “Not your grandfather’s?” he asked.

  “The house was handed down on my grandmother’s side. When she married my grandfather, her father gave her the house and the deed was in her name.” I wouldn’t have been surprised if it was because she was white and Grandfather was mixed. For him to own property in the fifties even in New York would have been abnormal. But then again, a white woman marrying a black man at that time was considered very unusual.

  “Marina always admired your grandmother.” He straightened. “She was heartbroken when you didn’t have the funeral in Cartleigh.”

  “Grandmother died in Switzerland. I have her ashes.” If Grandmother had wanted to be buried in Cartleigh, I would have respected her wishes. But she didn’t indicate in her will or say what she wanted. I decided for her with the help of Yakim who helped her ease her suffering in her last days.

  “She died there?” He faced me, inches away. “Why—”

  “Stop.” I placed my palm on his chest. “I don’t want to talk about my grandmother’s death. I’m here to talk about Marina.”

  “And us.” He kept his arms at his sides, surprising me because I expected him to take my hand or try to embrace me.

  “The conversation about us is not going to be an easy one, mayor.” I patted his chest. “But it has to be done, especially if we keep bumping into one another or eventually have to work together.”

/>   “I agree. Do you want to stay up here, or would you be more comfortable talking inside? I can keep the door unlocked like the front in case you want to go outside and away from me.”

  It was laughable that years of guilt might make him careful when handling me. Perhaps he hoped I’d forgive him and we’d go on our merry way. I’d let him believe it, but I wanted to prolong his agony, which was nothing compared to how I would make him suffer later.

  “I’d think it would be best if we talked on the first floor in case I need to leave suddenly.”

  He nodded and walked down the stairs first. I waited longer than I should, watching the sun set as the moon appeared in the sky. Steadying myself for what was to come, I left the deck and entered the house I never would have imagined I would be invited to. I wanted to see those pictures of Marina, but I would have to continue to play nice until Colt handed them over.

  I found him in the kitchen, where if I enjoyed cooking would make me envious. He stood between not one but two marble islands and poured tequila in his glass. I took quick note of the distance to the back door in case I had to make a fast getaway.

  “You have quite the wine collection.” The wine rack near the door held dozens of dusty bottles.

  “There’s more downstairs. Dad converted part of the basement into a wine cellar because it was convenient to have a good selection when he and Mom hosted gatherings here.” He leaned back on the counter as he sipped his drink.

  I poured enough tequila to fill a quarter of my glass.

  “Do you want to sit at the kitchen table?” He viewed me over the rim of his glass.

  “I’m fine with standing here.” The island between us gave a nice padding of protection.

  “Marina loved this kitchen, but the only thing she could cook was pasta.” He smiled and stared at his glass.

  “She was a true Italian. I was in awe she was able to stay a size four. Must have been good genes because her mother was small, also.” It was the only good thing Marina shared with her mother.

  “It’s why she was in high demand as a model. She had the perfect look for it. The camera loved her.” There was an undercurrent of admiration for her in his voice. What man wouldn’t want a hot model on his arm, especially an up-and-coming political star like Colt?

  “She had the most pictures in our yearbook. Not bad for someone who skated by in school and wasn’t in any social clubs.” The only pictures of me were after-school clubs or my senior year picture. Not even one of Marina and me together.

  “She had more than me, and I was in almost every club and sport the school offered.” He chuckled and sat on the stool, still facing me.

  “She liked to be noticed. Modeling came naturally for her. Too bad she wasn’t good at acting because she would have been a real star.” She would have been immortalized and remembered since she died so young. But as a model? Utterly forgotten with the exception of friends and family, and, even then, their memory of her would fade sooner rather than later.

  “She was a star in my eyes.” He lifted his glass to his mouth but then set it on the island. “I have to pace myself.”

  I did the same and bent forward over my folded arms. It brought me closer to him, but there was still enough space between us to satisfy me.

  “Are you really going to show me the pictures of her?” I wanted the proof before I proceeded with our walk down memory lane.

  “Yes. They’re in my office. I’ll get them.” He left the kitchen.

  I wanted to laugh. He didn’t have any idea what I was capable of. I could easily grab a knife and stab him to death. Or I could poison him by dripping a few drops of strychnine in his tequila he didn’t take with him. But I promised Yakim I wouldn’t physically harm Colt. Yakim would have to clean up my mess. He did warn me about the side effects of the suvorexant I carried with me in case I found myself alone with Colt and we shared drinks. Slipping him a sleeping aid was sneaky, but I had to get on his computer in his office.

  He returned with a box instead of a photo album, set it in front of me, and returned to his spot behind the island. Then he waited with crossed arms and a slight smirk on his face. He must be so proud because he gave me something no one else could— living memories of Marina I didn’t have.

  I opened the box and covered my mouth when I saw the picture on top of the rest. Marina in a fairy-tale princess wedding dress.

  “I haven’t seen these in a long time. Which one are you looking at?” he asked.

  I lifted the picture to show him while I tried to find my voice again. The last time I had been this close to emotional was when I found out about Marina’s death.

  “That was for the Badgley Mischka wedding line.” He came to my side. “She was in every bridal magazine and online wedding blog.” He took the picture and ran his fingers over her face. “After the shoot, I knew I wanted to marry her.”

  “This dress was her dream wedding dress. You were her dream, also, her prince charming.” I blinked away blurriness as I looked at the next photo—Marina in a more modern wedding dress. “This house was also a part of the fantasy. She used to talk about how she would one day live in it.”

  “She told me she always had a crush on me. I didn’t know until we got together.” He dipped his hand inside the box but then stopped. “I’d love to look at these pictures with you and tell you the stories behind them, but it may take a while.” He stared at Marina the bride. “Stay for dinner.”

  I could easily tell him no, take the box of pictures, return to Grandmother’s house, and surround myself with Marina. I didn’t want him to witness any emotional displays, but I had to establish trust between us. The opportunity I had been working toward had been given to me by him.

  “I had plans, but I can cancel them.”

  “With Dr. Cobb?” His innocent question was far from that, especially with the sarcastic drawl on Ari’s last name.

  “Yes.” I took out a small stack of Marina’s and flipped through them.

  “Yes to staying for dinner, or yes to you and the doctor having plans?” His composure began to erode. Could he be jealous of Ari?

  “Yes to both.” I sent him a side look while I kept the pictures in my main view. “I’ll always have plans with Ari while I’m here. I’ll call him to say something work-related came up. He’ll understand.” I stopped at the picture of a smiling Marina posing next to a car, wishing she was here. “We could invite him over to reminisce. But then he might find out some unfortunate things about us.”

  Colt was rarely stunned into silence. Even when he was debating or hosting a town hall with his constituents, and confronted over broken promises or lies, he always had an answer. But not now. And I hadn’t even brought up the word rape. I was slowly building toward it because I wanted to hear him speak, to give me his own version of events, his warped explanation on why he had been right in attacking me.

  “If you don’t feel comfortable here, we can—”

  “I’m more than comfortable unless you aren’t?” I asked. The fairy-tale princess bride stared up at me, as if viewing the scene before her. Those violet eyes of hers were usually so full of cheer. But not in this picture even though it showed the world she was having the time of her life. But to me she appeared as flat as the picture, those eyes I once knew so well telling me a different story than what had been shot.

  “A woman hasn’t been here since Marina died. I’d never in a million years have thought it would be you.” He pushed back his hair and exhaled harder than necessary.

  Did he really think I would accept his lie? Did he want my sympathy? Pity? His social cues were difficult to read because it was obvious he didn’t know how to act around me. But it had always been the case even in high school. He tried to keep up his act he created with others while with me, but I always saw through it. Except that night at the lake when I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

  “It’s uncomfortable for you to have dinner and conversation with me?”

  He went to t
he refrigerator and took out a beer. “The conversation you want us to have might ruin both our appetites.”

  Of course he would blame me. I wanted to laugh at him and his fragile ego. But I would abstain since there was much I wanted from him tonight.

  “We’ve been fine up to now with our conversation.” I lifted a picture of Marina dressed for a night out with Colt in a tuxedo, standing next to her.

  He drank some of his beer and fingered the picture. “It was our last New Year’s Eve together.”

  The white gold diamond choker Marina wore complimented her smile. I wondered how long her euphoria lasted.

  “You have outdoor heating lamps, so we could eat on the ground-floor deck. Dining outside might be more relaxing for us.” Staying outside was preferable for me. Colt would behave, especially if he had witnesses with his rowdy neighbors across the way.

  “It might be the last evening we can eat outside for a while.” He set aside his half-empty beer and opened the refrigerator again. “How about one last barbeque to close out the season? I have a steak and chicken. I also have some vegetables perfect for grilling. Sound good?”

  “Great. And we have more tequila to add some extra flavor.” The bottle still had enough left for Colt to pass out while I took an extended tour of his house. Just in case, a few drops of suvorexant in his drink would speed along his sleep.

  He took out the food for our dinner while I replaced the pictures of Marina in the box, with the exception of the wedding dress one. “I’m going to use the bathroom.”

  “Down the hall to the right.” He was so involved in rummaging through the refrigerator, he didn’t notice I took the wedding dress picture with me.

  The bathroom was easy to find. I went inside the room and locked the door. The reality I would dine with my rapist and possibly seduce him hit me hard enough, I landed on the toilet and giggled. Covering my mouth, I hunched over my knees to muffle the sound. It was beyond surreal, but so were the last two decades of my life.