Shine On Read online

  “Again with the excuses.” I was tempted to throw her to the side so I could leave the room.

  She rapped her fist on the side of her leg, staring at me in stark misery. “You knew I was involved with Billie.”

  “Explain involved.”

  “I was sleeping with her.” She rocked back on her heels, showing her discomfort. “That’s why, when you kissed me and told me you loved me as more than a friend, I panicked. I was afraid if I was involved with you and not Billie, my career would be over before it ever began. It was a selfish move on my part, and I apologize. Trust me, I’ve beaten myself up about it many times over.”

  It would have stung less if she’d slapped me. I covered my mouth to stop from crying or cursing at her. Her words gutted me, as much as if she had stabbed me with a knife.

  She slid to the floor, knees tucked to her chest, and studied me while I looked everywhere else to avoid rushing over and shaking her.

  “I wasn’t good enough for you. I never was,” I said, in disbelief.

  “Not true. If I made you think that because of what I did, I’m sorry. Everything back then was so crazy. I was so young—”

  “Stop with the excuses. I don’t want to hear them anymore.”

  “The second single off my first album, Forgiveness, which won me a Grammy for best song, was about our fight.” She dropped her chin to her knees. “I wrote it the day after we fought and begged my producer to add it to the album.”

  I knew Forgiveness by heart. The first time I’d heard it, I’d cried at the loss and pain in her voice. I thought it was about her dad. Quickly reviewing the words in my head, I could see the song was about me…about us.

  “Should I be impressed I inspired you?” A part of me hoped she would say yes, and her success was because of me.

  “I’m just stating a fact. Most of the songs on my album releasing in October are about my childhood. I have another song about you. The title is a play on your name. I can sing it to you now.”

  I moved to the door, suffocated, as if the walls closed in on me. Hearing her sing the song she created in my honor would weaken me, soften me toward Ivy. But it wouldn’t change anything between us.

  She rose to her feet, watching me closely as I moved in her direction. I had to pass her to get to the exit.

  “Your hour is almost up. You can pay Mom in cash or with a credit card.” I concentrated on the door instead of Ivy. If she sang my name, I might break down in tears. Hell would freeze over before I did that in front of her again.

  She always had fast reflexes, and, before I opened the door, she latched onto my wrist with an iron grip, making me jerk back. I froze instead of struggling. I couldn’t take the chance she would embrace me next.

  “You may hate me even more for saying it, but the entire time I was with Billie, you were on my mind. I felt horrible because it wasn’t fair to the two people I loved.” She tugged me to her. She must have felt my arm shake, but she didn’t let go. It was like she was trying to brand herself on me.

  “How long were you involved with Billie? And why did you wait five years to see me again?” My heartbeat slammed my ears with a powerful drumming, and my breath hitched as my chest constricted.

  She lifted my arm and twined our fingers. Her hand was slick with sweat, much like mine. She licked her lips and swallowed a few times.

  “We were together for a couple of years because of our working relationship. You won’t understand, but, in the celebrity lifestyle, two weeks is more like two years. We were consumed by the hype and the environment.” She held our combined hands to her chest and kept her unblinking gaze on me. “We were touring and working crazy hours. When it stopped, we were no longer a unit. I’ll always care for Billie, but as a friend. She feels the same.” Disappointment flashed on her face. “Life got so crazy with making music and constant touring. But Billie found out she might have cancer.”

  “Cancer?” She was too young to suffer from a horrible disease.

  “It was just a scare, but it made her realize she had to slow down, and also make amends, like I’m doing with you.” Ivy drew our hands to her mouth. “Billie returned home to be with the love of her life, just like I have.”

  I had imagined this scenario many times in the months after Ivy rejected me. She would come back and beg me for my forgiveness for being so cruel. She would finally tell me she loved me as much as I loved her. But she never had. Until now.

  Her lips tickled the back of my hand, and I wrenched it away as if she had burned me.

  When I didn’t reply to her statement, she continued. “You don’t have a response to my confession?”

  “What do you expect me to say or do? Jump up and down because Ivy Falls, rock star diva, loves me?” I shook my head.

  “I’m not a diva.” A pout emerged on her face.

  “I don’t know what you are anymore. Perhaps I never did.” I felt drained. This discussion with Ivy, and seeing her again after so many years apart, had done a number on my emotions. I wouldn’t stay in the room with her false declarations of love any longer.

  “You know me. I’m still the same person you fell in love with after my dad killed himself.” She lifted a trembling hand to her mouth and closed her eyes. “You knew what I needed, the comfort I wanted in order to keep moving on. You pushed me to lose myself in my music and to reach for my dream.” She opened her eyes, glossy and bright. “They came true because of you.”

  Her passionate plea made my heart speed up, but I was still cautious. Why couldn’t she have said this before I pushed for more than she was willing to give at the time? I could risk it and accept her now, although the doubts on whether she was truthful would remain. My heart was still fragile when it came to Ivy. If she broke it a second time, I wouldn’t be able to handle it. My recovery would take much, much longer this time around.

  Erasing all expression from my face, I forced down all emotion in order to stay strong so I wouldn’t break and take her in my arms. “You’re not only an incredible singer, but an actress, too. When’s your movie debut?”

  “You don’t believe me.” She speared her fingers through her hair, like she used to do when she got upset or frustrated.

  My mark had hit home. I wished I could say it made me happy, but it didn’t. The tension in the room had returned full force, making it difficult for me to catch my breath.

  “Your hour is up, and I have to get back to work.” I reached for the door, intent on leaving regardless of what she said or did.

  She didn’t grab at my arm like last time but pressed her hand on my back. I froze, waiting for her to fist my tank, but she kept her palm still, the heat of her touch seeping through the thin fabric.

  “I’m going to prove to you what I said is true. I fucked up massively, and now I’m going to fix it.” She brushed the side of my face with her cheek. “I’m not leaving until I do. You’re stuck with me.”

  I opened the door then. The thumping music from the first level almost drowned out my ricocheting pulse in my ears, and Ivy’s panting breath. Her front brushed my back and her hand dipped to my hip, leaving behind a trail of fire.

  I stumbled out of the room and into the hallway before I weakened and let Ivy tug me back in, but not to talk.

  I wouldn’t turn and let her see how she had rattled me. Instead, I walked down the hallway, ignoring her saying my name.

  “Leave me the hell alone,” I said, my good-bye a certain hand gesture that would have shocked anyone who knew me.

  Her laugh, a promise I would see her later, stalked me as I jetted down the stairs and out to sit on a bench in the oppressive heat, with my head on my knees, trying my best to hold back tears.

  CHAPTER THREE

  “Don’t expect me to be your booty call chauffer until your rust bucket jalopy gets fixed.” Kenji parked his year-old Audi roadster in front of Posey’s apartment complex.

  I laughed in spite of myself. It had been the day from hell. Not just because of Ivy, but my car didn’
t start. It sat at Lovely Diamonds until I called for a tow truck and a mechanic to check out the problem. Mom couldn’t drop me off at Posey’s, so I asked Kenji, who was gracious enough to chauffer me to my booty call, as he described it. Either he wanted me away from our place tonight for his own booty call, or he was just happy I was finally getting some.

  After my emotional reunion with Ivy, I wanted to lose myself in something. Since booze or drugs wasn’t a tempting option, I would take what Posey offered. I never thought sex could be used as therapy before, but I was willing to give it a shot since I had enjoyed last night.

  “Just for tonight.” I spread my fingers on my legs, inspecting my nails, and frowning at my chipped pink polish. I had picked at it while pouting over Ivy. Disgusted with myself, I curled my fingers around my knees. Out of sight, out of mind should help, but it rarely did.

  “You already had plans to hang out with Posey after work, but what does this have to do with seeing Ivy?”

  He would see through my lie. I shrugged instead.

  “What happened between you two?” He perched his arm on the headrest behind me.

  “Do we have to talk about it now? Posey is expecting me.” She knew I was running late, but it wasn’t fair to make her wait for me.

  “Ivy made you cry. Don’t deny it because I saw you when you came back in from outside and stopped at the bar to get something to drink.” He ran his finger over the top of my head. “Ivy didn’t look much better.”

  My stomach lurched. “She was crying?”

  “She came to see me a few minutes after you went outside. Her eyes were bloodshot and her nose was red. She asked me for a vodka shot, swallowed it down then left me a hundred and told me she would see me later. She didn’t stick around to talk.” He gave a tug on my hair. “What happened in the suite?”

  “Mom told you we were in there?” Big surprise. She probably called Luka on the phone also.

  “I was the first one to see Ivy. She asked me to arrange the private room to talk with you,” he said as if it wasn’t a big deal.

  “She wants me to forgive her for something stupid that happened five years ago.”

  “The fight you had the night of Dad’s funeral?” He scratched his chin. “If you think it’s stupid, then why are you still upset with her?”

  He’d backed me into a corner by using my own words against me. I wasn’t in the mood to explain myself. You’d think because he was my brother, he would side with me. Nine times out of ten, he did the opposite.

  “I don’t want to talk about Ivy anymore.” I opened my door, hoping it ended the conversation. “You’re still stopping by Farshen on your way home?”

  “Yeah. Luka wants me to have a drink with him,” he said, fiddling with his Magic 8 Ball keychain. “I think it has to do with Uncle Ry opening his new gastropub off Fremont Street and having me and Luka run it.”

  This was news. “You’d stop bartending at Lovely Diamonds to work with Luka and Uncle Ry? What about school?”

  “Nothing’s set in stone yet. I’d talk with Mom before I stopped working at Diamonds or quit school.” He set both his hands on the steering wheel and stared ahead. I couldn’t tell what he thought since he was as closed down as Mom with his emotions and reactions.

  I waited for him to explain further, but he remained quiet. “Okay, then. Tell Luka and Uncle Ry I say hello.” I lifted my fist, and Kenji responded by bumping mine with his.

  “I would say sleep tight, but you won’t be getting much sleep…a lot like last night, right?” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  A yawn almost escaped my mouth. Not in the mood for another one of his wisecracks, I finally left. He waited until I called Posey and she buzzed me in before he honked the car horn and drove away.

  By the time the elevator doors opened, Posey stood in her condo doorway, a few feet away. Her beaming smile accentuated her great cheekbones and tanned skin. Posey, like me, had been born and raised in Las Vegas. Her mother was a former Miss Las Vegas, who moved to the city from Honolulu as a baby. Posey had incredible half-Polynesian genes from her mother, with a combination of Dutch and Italian from her father.

  She was dressed in a purple cami short set, and her bare feet showed off her red-painted nails. Her brunette shoulder-length hair was French braided. Her round-shaped eyes were alert and warm, unlike my gritty feeling ones.

  “Thanks for coming over again.” She kissed my cheek.

  “Thanks for inviting me.” I moved in to kiss her mouth.

  She ran her hands down my back, stopping near the top of my butt.

  “Want to come inside?” she asked with a promise in her voice, and tapped one of my butt cheeks.

  “That’s why I’m here. I’m spending the night,” I whispered against her lips, pressing down hard as she drew me inside.

  I shut the door behind her, increasing the pressure of my mouth. She tickled my lips with her tongue, and I circled the tip of hers with mine. She sighed and sucked down on it before breaking away.

  Instead of guiding me to her bedroom like had the previous night, she stepped back and studied my face. A small frown erased her happy expression of welcome.

  “Rough night?”

  “Just busy with work.” I bit the inside of my cheek as a yawn crept up. I was exhausted, but I was more interested in losing myself in Posey’s body.

  She led me to the couch.

  “Don’t you want to go to your bedroom?” I asked.

  She tossed me a sexy grin over her shoulder. “We will, but first let’s sit and talk.”

  “Oh no, is this going to be the I-like-you-but-I’m-just-not-into-you, speech?”

  She sat and drew me down next to her, bussing my mouth with her slightly damp one. She set both my hands on her upper thigh. “I just found you again, so why would I get rid of you?”

  I clenched my fingers, going as far as to curl them around her muscle. She settled back on the cushions in a serene pose. “What do you mean by finding me again?”

  “I felt it was meant to be that we saw each other again at the wedding after so many years. I was Dad’s date because he doesn’t have many female friends. Ever since he and Mom got divorced a few years ago, he hasn’t started dating, unlike.…” She waved her hand, realizing she was getting off track, which she had a habit of doing. I thought it was adorable. I kept silent, waiting for her to return to her train of thought. “And you came with your mom because she doesn’t date either?”

  “Not that I know of.” I shrugged. Mom didn’t have an interest in dating period. Her heart still belonged to Dad.

  Posey spread her legs to welcome my petting. “Don’t you think it’s strange we went to the bar at the same time and asked for a cranberry and vodka?”

  “Maybe just a coincidence?” I traced the inside of her thigh.

  She giggled. “I don’t think it was a coincidence.” She nibbled her bottom lip. “I had the biggest crush on you in high school.”

  “You did not! You were one of the most popular girls in our school and always had so many guys swarming around you,” I said, stunned. Never in a million years would I think I had a shot with Posey in school. We didn’t run in the same circles and rarely talked unless we had class together.

  “I tried to hide my feelings because I was confused then.” Her brow knitted, and her front teeth dug deeper into her lip “I was afraid if our classmates found out I was gay, they would make my life miserable. Weren’t you worried also?”

  I wasn’t out in high school, not because I was worried about the bullying and teasing, but because I wasn’t interested in dating. All that mattered was being with Ivy, who I thought felt the same way I did. But then she left school for California a few days after our junior year ended to make her musical dreams a reality, leaving me behind.

  I always thought Posey had great self-confidence, mainly because her father was one of the most successful business men in the state. Also, her mother was one of the top newscasters for fifteen years in Las Vegas and th
e surrounding areas. Posey was a beautiful and talented woman. Why would she trust me to see her this vulnerable?

  I set my finger on her chin to stop her from abusing her lip. “You had more to lose than I did, so it makes sense you would keep it a secret. In a school as big as ours, I got lost in the shuffle.”

  “That’s not true!” Anger replaced her embarrassment. “A lot of students knew you because you were the best math tutor. How many did you help pass their math classes?”

  She had a point. I did a lot of tutoring in high school. “One of the reasons so many wanted me to tutor them was because of Ivy.” I winced, cursing under my breath at mentioning Ivy’s name.

  Posey squeezed my hand. “What’s wrong?”

  I pulled away and dropped my forearms on my knees. “One of the reasons I feel like shit isn’t from not getting much sleep last night and having a small hangover but…Ivy came to the club this evening. I haven’t seen her in five years.”

  “But you two were best friends in high school and attached at the hip. You stopped talking to her after graduation?” Posey’s eyes widened in surprise.

  “Graduation?” I snorted. “Try the day after our junior year ended. She couldn’t wait to sweep away the dust from this place and everyone she knew from her feet so she could become a rock star.”

  “Wow, I had no clue.” Posey shifted closer and nudged my shoulder with hers. “She came to your mom’s club just to see you?”

  I swiped my palms down my face as flashbacks of our interaction in the suite slammed into my head. I shut my eyes, hoping to stop the visual. “She’s back to stay for a while. She’s doing a residency at Deus Casino for eight months.”

  “She wants you back in her life again?” Posey swung her arm around my shoulder. “Are you interested in being friends with her?”

  “Nope. She’s too Hollywood, now.” I leaned into Posey, lulled by her comforting presence. “A year after she left Vegas, she came back for my father’s funeral. We didn’t have a great reunion then, and now…it was pretty much the same.”